Lady's Night

Whatta weekend.

And for the record, if you wanna get a weekend off to a kickin start, I know how.

We called it Mom's Night Out....

And it was a blast. 


Although, next time we should probably higher this guy to keep the party going...




No?

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Sophisticated Momma!

Um.  Yeah.
Probably not...

For the record, I have gone years thinking that I bring the party....

But I learned on Friday, that is clearly not the case.

"The Party" didn't arrive until a good half an hour after I got there.

And so I learned that the party is not "brought" until we give the paper head her drink.

Paper head Hil, we miss you....

The sad truth is that every single one of us "Mom"'s were so happy to get out of the house, we could barely contain ourselves.

Do you know what happens when Mom's get out of their homes without a care in sight?

To be honest, neither do we...

We pretty much all went nuts.

Ok, so yeah. 

Our version of "Going nuts" is a little less Ke$ha and a lot more Martha Stewart.

But what I can tell you is this, the first hour alone was like a marathon of words. 

Everyone was talking....

Truthfully, I think I was involved in about 5 different conversations at the same time. 

And then the dancing began...

Then someone found a pole...

And apparently, some wine....

And before you knew it,  everyone was dancing...

And let's not forget our male entertainment for the evening...

What a cutie!

And let's face it...no party is complete without a pass the paper head game....

We all had to let the paper head Hilary know how much she's missed (subliminal message:  COME HOME, HILARY...COME HOME...)

And for the record, I am pretty sure a good time was had by all!

(Except for the Paper head Hil, who just needs to COME HOME!)

Here's where I should throw up a poll about how every weekend should be kicked off in such a fashion!

It was a BLAST!

Now to talk our husbands into it....

The Weirdo's, AKA. Dinner with the Schmucks

You know how excited you get the moment when you realize that your little circle of friends is expanding?

As in new people WANT to hang out with you and your friends?

And then it actually happens...

Only to realize that your dinner party turned into Dinner for Schmucks.

With you and your hubby being the leading Schmucks?

Um, yeah.

As in your hubby walks around with his hand up the back of your shirt all night long and insists upon moving his mouth everytime you start speaking?

Or worse, your husband decides to show off is Techterpieces, also known as the mountain of computers that he has lovingly repaired and restored to new life?

Not that this has ever happened to me.

Just that "someone I know" had something like this happen to her....

Yeah.

A "friend of mine"....

She had people over.

And then she and her husband turned into THE WEIRDO'S.

Showing off their inate skill of hosting a dinner party.

The highlights included:

A visit from the plumber.

A vicious baby eating dog.

More cheese than one digestive track should ever have to handle.

1, 2, 3, no FOUR babies crying.  AT ONE TIME.

Saw dust.

Broken chairs.

Cheating cardplayers.

And inappropriate dinner conversation including but not limited to dead people.

Yes...

Dead People.

Over dinner.

Oh and snappiness.

Followed by awkward pauses.

And a holey sweatshirt.

And a fight to the death.

Or maybe just an argument. 

Or maybe just a debate...

Or maybe just the age old battle of Apple vs. PC.  (or Evil vs. Good, if you are talking in Techy terms.  Not that Techy had anything to do with this.  Remember, this was MY FRIEND, not to be confused with ME)

Oh, and a flying bird. 

Who was worth 20 points, if you could catch him.

And runaway pot holders....

And "Burnt" cookies.

And did I mention the dead people?

Yeah.

We'll (ahem) THEY'll be lucky to ever convince their guests to ever cross their threshold again.

Note: She asked me to post this in apology to her old friends for ruining our their chances of getting new friends to join us them ever again!!

The Promise of Spring

I told you I am dramatic....

Shoes, Feet, and The Dreaded Size 7.5

Oh, how I love shoes.

Love, love, love.

I am pretty sure it started in 1st Grade.

When I got my first pair of these:

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I am not proud to admit that this love of shoes has, on occasion, caused me to act relatively irresponsibly.

Actually, after some thought, I distinctly remember lying to my grandmother in order to get her to buy me a pair of shoes when I was about 4 years old.

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I got in so much trouble over it.

Or you know, as much trouble as a 4 year old gets in.

But I remember thinking I was in big trouble.

So, I guess the love affair started as early as 4.

And then the jelly shoes showed up to solidify it.

Apparently my obsession with jellies lasted for a while, because the next shoe I fell in love with was a shiny leather, sock-less Ked.

Then I must have gone through a shoe recession, because I have distinctly forgotten what shoe styles were in high school.

They may or may not have had bows on them, though.

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Which is probably why I have blocked the memory.

Just.too.painful.

Then in college, my best friend, (who happened to be a guy at the time) bought me a pair of shoes very similar to these girls...

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No, he wasn't gay, he just knew how ob.sessed I was with them.

He was a good friend.  And it was my birthday.

But back to the shoe...the sweet little platform shoe.

That I never really learned how to walk in.

But nearly crippled myself trying to get to class in....

Thank goodness they wore out quickly....

But then, after I graduated, I worked with one of the most crazy stylish women I have ever met.

And she introduced me to the knee high boot.

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I had the PERFECT knee high boot.  Heel was just high enough without being too high...

I paid $40 for them, and wore them until the seam split up the side while I was pregnant.  (YES-fat calves-MOO)  But I definitely got my money's worth out of them - 5 whole winters I wore those girls!

Oh, how I need a new pair.

And now these beauties are prime contestants currently toasting my tootsies...

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And really, that's all I wear anymore.

Now, you may ask, what is the point of all of this nonsense about my shoe mania????

My point is OBVIOUSLY that Techy should be very thankful that I wear a size 7.5.

Because I would have alot more shoes if I work something like a 5 or 6.

Because there is clearly a surplus of size 5 or size 6 shoes.

And then I would need a bigger closet.

And eventually a bigger house.

Because, HELLO?!  I LOVE SHOES!

Weight Update # 15

If you are friends with me on Facebook, this one is really going to confuse you!

Because I totally did my math wrong this morning.

And got all excited about a good weight loss week.

Only to realize, my math was off.

Without further ado....

Which according to my last Facebook pic would be 2.6.

Which would be awesome.

However, when I looked at last week's weigh in post, I remembered that I was down to 143.2. 

But remember, I forgot to take a pic of it.

Leading to my mucho confusion.

And remember last week, I only lost .6 lbs.

So this week, I lost 2 lbs. 

Yay me?

I mean, really, it's just meeting the goal that I set.

So nothing amazing.

Unless you consider that it's more than I lost in the previous 2 weeks combined.

And then it's all, WHOAH!

And here's the thing, peeps....

I saw the one-four-zero at one point this week....

Which means that I am oh.so.close to the one-three-somethings.

And I am so excited about it.

So how are you doing?

Anyone else wanna out their weight loss numbers this week?

Spill it, peeps! 

Failure or progress...I promise to provide encouragement and motivation, or just plain embarrassment if necessary!

Goodness knows, it's worked for me!

My Honest Opinion: Kashi Bars - Do or Die

Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic.

But I like being dramatic.

Alot.

Today, I took a picture of the snow with the gorgeous blue sky in the background and wanted to declare it was the "Promise of Spring".

I mean, really, a blue sky, ya'll...

It's not like it was Noah's rainbow or anything....

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Seriously.

I am dramatic.

I am also very passionate.

Especially about food.

And weight loss.

And...well, passion.

But since I am pretty sure that you are not hear to read about THAT, I have chosen to talk about the food passion.

Because it's safe.

And relatable.

And I have alot to say about it.

Specifically, (today) about Kashi bars.

And their powers.

About 8 months ago, when I started back on Weight Watchers full force, I had been reading Jillian Michael's book, Master Your Metabolism, in which she documents her struggles with weight loss when she was younger.  And I learned ALOT.  (Truthfully, it was because of her book that I talked to my doctor about my weight loss issues and found out that I was hypothyroid.  Did you know that Jillian is also hypothyroid?  Funny, right?)

Anyway, one of the things she recommends is eating more natural foods. 

Cutting out processed junk.

Not that that is entirely feasible for any of us who cannot afford trainers and cooks and live on a tight food budget and an even tighter schedule, but I took it for what it was.  An excellent tip.

And I started researching the most natural pre-packaged foods out there.

Because of our lifestyle, we have to be ready in a hurry, we have to pack our lunches in a hurry and we usually have to eat in a hurry.

And I needed to find something that fit that bill.

And that's where Kashi came in.

Their granola bars are high in fiber (important for any Weight Watchers girl), high in protein (we're talking like 7-9 grams per bar - very impressive for a granola bar) and low in fat. 

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They were like a freaking super-food.

I would eat one for breakfast and then not think about food for hours.

Which was strange considering how much food I had just come off of.

Remember.  I had been nursing.

Nursing=hungry.  All.the.time.

The downside?

They are bland.

Oh.so.bland.

After about a month, I was sick to death of them.

But I kept eating them.

Because they were so.dang.healthy.

Now, I am totally not going the direction you think I am with this.

I am not going to tell you that after a few months things got better and now I love them, and they have totally changed my life.

No.

Because let's be honest. 

There's only so much anyone can take of a bland fiber bar.

And that's what this was.

Even after I tried every flavor.

But they were getting the job done.

Filling me up.

Helping me lose weight.

Very healthy. 

What more could a girl want, right?

Um, hello?!

FLAVOR!?!?!!

Please.

And then one day, my adorable Techmeister of a husband brought this little gem home.

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And I was all, "Hello?  Kashi?  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHANGING MY LIFE!!!!"

The End.

P.S.  It should be noted that not everyone will think these bars are bland.  I have a picky palette and don't like dark chocolate and dried cranberries together.  I do however, LOVE dark chocolate and coconut together.  Oh.so.much.

The Musings

I know that most, if not all of you read my daily posts and say to yourself..."Where does she come up with such brilliance?!"

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Well, today I am spilling it.

Because everyone deserves to know how my lightbulb moments come to be....

The honest truth...

Although as PW would say, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

No, seriously....

Ok, fine.

So the honest to goodness truth is...

Almost every single blog post I have ever posted (or at least half...mostly, the really good ones), came during a "moment of inspiration" in the bathroom.

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Seriously.

Brings a whole new meaning to "get your mind out of the toilet!" Huh?

I don't know what it is about this moment...

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That makes this happen....



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And just to really throw you for a loop, my other great moments of brilliance happen here....

Would it scare you to know that almost every room in my house is decorated from my dreams?

For those of you who have been to my house this should be no surprise.... 

Anyway....

Toilet Thinking...

Yeah....

I am beginning to wonder if I should rename my blog to "Musings of a Pot Sitter".

Because, clearly, that would be more appropriate.

Although slightly awkward when trying to comment on all the other blogs out there....

And let's just be honest,  I would probably lose all my readers.

I mean, seriously, Pot Sitter????

So, in closing, and in honor of this vulnerable state that I am in....

Here's a very classy poem that one of my mom's friends taught her as a kid....

I so tired.

I so weary.

Who wake I up and call I "Deary"?

Who get me from my warm, warm cot

And sit me on this cold, cold pot

And make me pee when I cannot?

Just to prove that I am not the only one who muses in the bathroom...

Helpful How-To: It's in the Little Things

Yo, peeps!

I'm back and doling out advice like it's candy at a 4th of July parade....

You should be just as excited as every single 4 year old at that parade.

Not that the candy is every really that good.

But it's still candy.

And well, you're there!

Getting candy.

For free.

Not that there is ANY correlation between bad 4th of July candy and my HHT's...

NONE. 

Whatsoever.

Right?

Ahem...RIGHT?

Moving on....

This year has been full of new beginnings for me.

We all know about my resolutions that I mentioned here.

But there were a few things that I hadn't even thought about at the time of that post.

Like my constantly messy house.

Our close friends will AMEN this one.

It's so not pretty.

Constant state of chaos....

But let me tell you, thanks to the help of a few simple steps, I have been doing much better about keeping it cleanER.

Here are some things that have made all the difference in my world.

Step 1.  Dishes/dishwasher control.

I DESPISE doing dishes. I despise even loading and unloading my dishwasher.

My dog, much like this dog, however, LOVES it when I load or unload my dishwasher. 

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I have seriously caught my dog doing this on multiple occasions...GAG ME!

But yeah, I hate loading and unloading the dishes.

There was a time when I tried to make it Techy's job.

But he's extremely forgetful.

I love the man, but I can only go so long without clean plates....

And then, Melissa, over at the Inspired Room gave me a brainstorm....

At the beginning of the year, she posted about her 5 minute morning routine that helps her keep her life under control.

People.  It changed me.

She said that every morning she unloads her dishwasher before she gets going.

Yep.

Changed.

Forever. 

(Hopefully)

Been doing it faithfully since.

Truthfully?

I love it.  (Totally head-nodding, Paula Deen style, just.for.emphasis)

Now, when I get home at night, I don't have to empty the dishwasher in order to cook dinner.  I just get going.

It's amazing.

Step 2.  Sorting the silver...

This tip comes from my mother in law....

And again, changed.

Forever.

And it's so stupid that I have never thought of it until now.

I may be building it up too much.

Beware, though, cause if you don't already do this, you are going to smack your head against the screen and scream "DUH!!!" at the top of your lungs.

Please be careful.

I don't want to be responsible for anyone going to the hospital over their "DUH!!!" moment....

You ready?

Sort your silverware.

That way when you go to unload your dishes, you pick up one section at a time and quote throw it in the drawer end quote.

Hello?

Back in your chair yet?

It's ok.  I had the same response.

Amazingness.  (Again, Paula Deen nodding.  Just.for.the.dang.emphasis.)

3.  It's a given...and it involves blankets....

Can you guess it.

Probably.

Because you probably already did this every day.

But we didn't.

Because we are busy.

Or lazy.

Or like to sleep in.

Or have a not so new baby...

So, what is it?

Making my bed, of course!

For the past 26 days, we have made our bed every.single.day.

This is the longest run since we put our old house on the market back in 2008.

And we love it.

Totally lifechanging.

Totally.

So. 

Yeah. 

Only 3 steps for you.

But let me tell you, if you employ those 3 simple steps, your life may be changed.

FOREVER.

Also, I will warn you, your obsession with tidiness may spread.

It certainly has for us.

Every week another once-cluttered room becomes cleaner.

Because I we are managing the little things so much better.

You can thank me later.

Signed.

The RULEBREAKER.

WHAT? 

Can't blame me for trying...

Still no??

Oh, ok, fine.

Signed.

PLAIN.OLD.ME

The Big Little Solution

Techy and I live in a house.

In said house, we have several awkward spaces.

One of which is a lovely little breakfast nook.

Which is currently adorned in about 8 coats of Apple Red and the most adorable country border you have ever seen.

Yes, I know.  I used the word border and adorable in the same sentence.

I am sure it is way out.

Like more out than my acid washed denim skirt from 1991.

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Only I like it way more.

Any reputable designer would probably throw me out on my heels for keeping a border in my house.

Especially one that has roosters on it.

But hey, that's me. 

The Rulebreaker.

I should really get my own superhero shirt made for moments like these.

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The Rulebreaker....

No?

Anyway...

Back to breaking rules...

The Rulebreaker....

Still no?

Ok, fine.

Back to the nook.

This little breakfast nook is totally adorable. 

Even with the Roosters.

But I concocted a plan last week to make it even more adorable.

And then I mentioned it to Techy.

Totally sure that I would have to contort him into a yoga position with his arm twisted behind his back and over his head to get him to agree.

Imagine my surprise when he lept out of his computer chair shouting that this was the best idea he had ever heard.

Um. Yeah.

Color me confused.

I know.  Not a color.

Whatev.

Remember? 

I am The RULEBREAKER....

The idea?

To make it into a real live breakfast nook.

Bench seating and all.

My inspiration?

This.

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And this.

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 And this...

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And this...

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Oh, and this...

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And maybe this one too...

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Now, it is my distinct intention to NOT let this project end up like the infamous foyer remodel that I have been trying to put into works for 6 months now.

Which is why I am blogging about it.

To be honest, I think we have a better chance of making this happen since Techy is jumping up and down like a cheerleader at her first football game in anticipation of relatively more excited about this project.

It is set to begin the week after the Superbowl. 

And thanks to watching this little video about 2 dozen times while Techy cheered in the background, I think we almost know what we are doing.



So...in 3 weeks...anyone wanna come play with a baby for a few hours while we get our construction on? 

Signed,

The Rulebreaker

Football Fantasy

I think we all know that I married a nerd.

Excuse me, he is a Techno-Geek. 

Which is a substrain of Nerd.

Just to clarify.

(Question: does such knowledge make me a nerd?  or perhaps a substrain of nerd?)

Growing up, I never really thought I would end up married to a nerd.

Ironic since I dated a whole passel of them in college. 

But it's true. 

I spent most of my childhood immersed in the assumption that if I were ever going to find love, I was going to have to learn everything there was to know about sports. 

Specifically football.

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Because, as a child, every man I knew was obsessed with the sport.

Well, football AND racing...

I mean, it was the south, after all....

But after much consideration I chose football as my portal into a man's heart.

(It may or may not have had something to do with the fact that I generally become extremely dizzy watching cars drive in circles for hours without end....)

It would be the key to me finding true love.

The butter to my Paula Deen recipe. 

The glass slipper if you will. 

You know, wrapped in brown leather and shoulder pads.

My secret ingredient.

I went to football games, I watched football games, I played football games....

I loved the sport. 

I was a southern boy's dream come true.

And then I got to college.

And dated nerds.

Who were not southern.

Who didn't play football.

Who didn't watch football.

Who really didn't care about football.

At all.

And then I married one of them.

You can imagine my disappointment when I realized that my years of valuable football knowledge were all for naught.

Until this day happened....

My friends, that was the day that I realized something valuable.

All those years of football knowledge are no longer wasted.

Because someone is gonna have to teach this kid what a first down is.

And I have my doubts that it will be Techy.

Unless, of course, he orders those "Football for Dummies" books that he keeps talking about....

Water Wars

I think I have talked about the shower in my kitchen before, right?

For those of you just tuning in, my master bathroom is located right over my kitchen.

And when someone takes a shower in my master bathroom, someone can also take a shower in my kitchen.

And it's been that way since we moved in 2+ years ago.

There was a point where we thought it was fixed, and even patched the hole in our kitchen ceiling....

Only to get rained on while I was pouring my bowl of cereal one morning.

Nice, huh?

Undaunted, we are people with a plan. 

And we happen to know that tax time will probably bring a little refund our way.

And we are discussing our options.

Techy even advertised last week on facebook, trying to find a reputable plumber.

Which apparently do not exist.

But he got some names.

No numbers.

And absolutely nowhere to go from here.

Which was fine. 

I mean, we have other showers that work.

And goodness knows we have been without the master shower so long that we don't even know what it was like to shower in there anyway.

Literally.

It has been so long since I have even opened my shower door that I wouldn't be surprised to see that I have grown a new friend in there...

Um, yeah.

It's bad.

But then today, I came home from work to find a puddle in our downstairs bath.

Apparently, there is a drip under the sink. 

Now, I am not good with technical terms, but the drip is coming from where a pipe connects with a random hose thingy.

Yes.

A hose thingy.

And while I am at the top of my game, I will just tell you that the room is by far the coldest room in our house.

Now I am not saying that the room isn't well insulated.

But I am saying, whoever decided to build a bathroom off of the garage may not have taken into account that the garage wasn't heated.

Just saying.

If I had waited a few hours, I probably could go ice skating in there. 

So now here I am. 

Faced with a leak that I want to fix and a leak that I "need" to fix.

I say need in quotes, because in my mind, I would have no problem leaving a pot under the leak for the next 250 years, if that would guarantee that I wouldn't have to hunt down and pay for plumber.

And I would also have no problems being called Granny Clampet...

As long as you recognize my creativity for exactly what it is...

Redneck Ingenuity

That being said, when it rains at my house, it doesn't pour unless you are standing in the kitchen.  Otherwise, it just drips.  Annoyingly drips....

Signing off,

Granny

Post Script:  Just received a phone call from Techy.  Apparently, he did finally get in touch with a "professional" who will be coming to my house tomorrow night in hopes of telling us how to fix our "problems".  This means that I have some bathroom cleaning to do and some otherwise friendly, fuzzy green freeloading friends to kick out of my house as soon as possible. 

Goal Girl: It's a Running Thing

Because I am ridiculous,

And extremely driven,

And a total copycat...

When my friend Carrie posted that her goal was to run 10 miles last week, my brain said, "Me Too!"

And then my fingers typed it.

For all the world to see.

Prior to having checked weather.com for a notion of what kind of weather we were in for.

And prior to having talked to my legs to see how they felt about it.

And then it was OUT THERE.

Even if no one else saw it, I was still committed to doing it.

Because of the um, you know, OUT THERE-ness of the statement. 

Welcome to the inner workings of my mind.

So on Monday, I did my normal 2.6 loop around my neighborhood.

Now, let's talk about this. 

Because this run was on Monday. 

After I had run 5.2 on Saturday.

I turned around and ran 2.6 in 25:50. 

Fastest run to date.

And then on Thursday, I decided it was time to run again. 

My goal was 4.

But then I remembered something about only having an hour long lunch break, plus driving time, plus slow runner = not enough time to run 4 miles....

And then half way through the run, there was a nasty fall that resulted in probably 30 seconds of collecting myself, putting my phone back together, dusting off and checking for bleeding/torn pants, etc....

Excuses for a slower pace on a comfortable distance run....

And yes, I did misspell CELL phone.....

I told Techy this is what happens when I type with my ear and not my eyes.

Meaning I type what my brain hears, not what my eyes see....

Anyway.

Total running time: 30 min, 50 seconds. 

Yes.  LAME-O.

But then I counted up my total and realized that in order to my 10 mile goal, I was going to have to do at least a 4.5 mile run this weekend.

And being every adventurous, I let my fingers do the talking....

And posted it on FB.

Partly in attempt to recruit people to suffer run along with me.

And partly in attempt to keep myself accountable.

But then Saturday came.

And brought with it sore legs and sub-Arctic temperatures.

I am pretty sure I saw an iceberg floating through the reservoir outside of my development. 

Wimpiness/Good Sense won out.

And I texted my recruits to check availability for Sunday.

Again, prior to checking weather conditions.

Good news, they were happy to make the change.

Good news, temperature was going up (incrementally).

Bad news, 30 mph winds.

But off we went.

Here's something you should know. 

Running with people is great.

Unless the people you are running with are speed-demon half-marathon runners.**

And you just downed a box of Hamburger Helper for lunch.

And you are super slow.

And cranky about the wind.

Seriously, people, it took everything in me to keep up with their SLOW pace.

And there was a point where the Hamburger Helper made me stop trying.

Because I was turning green.

In the face of 30 mph winds.

I hit the 2.6 mark at a 10:20 pace, slow.  Even for me. 

And at 3 miles, the pro's couldn't take the slow pace anymore and pulled away.

Not that I blame them. 

And between mile 3 and 4, I thought I was never going to make it.

Literally, at 3.4 I caught up to the girls and begged them to turn around and just make it a 4 mile run.

But they were quick to assure me that I could totally make 5.2 and just keep pushing, we were over half way, yada, yada, yada....

So I did. 

And I stuck with them until like 4.5 when I told them that I was slowing down and they took off. 

And when it was all said and done, my time was actually only 15 seconds slower than last week.

Which I consider to be quite the accomplishment considering the Hamburger Helper that sat like a rock on my stomach the entire time coupled with the 30 mph in-your-face wind. 

I mean, can you imagine what it could have been like without those factors???

And this is how I am diverting you from thinking about the fact that I almost quit.

And from the fact that I ran slower than molasses in the tundra.

**It should be noted, that I am actually very glad that I ran with these girls even if I felt horrible the entire time for holding them back and being so dang slow.

Weight Update #14

I won't sugar coat it...

I ain't happy about it.

Apparently, my body is, though. 

Oh.so.content.

Oh, and just so you know, I was so upset at my scale that I didn't take a picture.

You will just have to trust me when I say that it was 143.2 this morning.

Even though I took this pretty picture on Wednesday....

And this one yesterday.

And then today, was 143.2

So tell me, how do I go down and back up that much in two days? 

Two days of hard work and steady cardio??

Color me bitter.

What...that's not a color?

Color me frustrated.

Still not a color?

Fine.

Whatev.

I think you get the point. 

Oh, and just to let you know, this is one instance where I do not know it all and I am totally asking for advice on Facebook.  If you know-it-all, feel free to find me and comment as soon as possible.  Because I got goals, peeps, and 143 just ain't cuttin' it!

Drinking the Bath Water

Why do kids like to drink the bath water?

I'm not gonna lie, I did it too....

Even though my mother tried to terrify me with her terror invoking talk of the germs in "Butt water"

Bath time is so magical...

LM: Mommy, can I please drink the water off of the toothpaste tube?
ME: EWWWW, BUTT WATER!!!!

LM: Mommy, can I please drink the water off of the soap bottle?
ME: EWWWWWWWWWWW, BUTT WATER!

LM: Fine, I will play basket ball...with a star...

LM: SLAM DUNK!!!

LM: Mommy, if I turn this on, can I drink the water?

Finally, Daddy causes a distraction from the Butt Water!!!

Oh no, here we go again....

Another Daddy distraction! 

LM: Why'd you stop?!

LM: While you are relieved about my momentary distraction from the Butt Water, I will take advantage of the opportunity to climb out of the tub and land on my head while trying to reach the OTHER soap bottle!

It's a day in the life, people.

A day in the life....