Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Good friends are like fat thighs

They always keep in touch....

I guess we've all heard the saying, right?

And I guess we all know about my weight issues, right?

And the fact that I obsess on all things reality television.

Yeah, Techy doesn't get it at all. AT ALL.

But this week, I have been overwhelmed with the weight of it all. Pun totally intended.

I mean, this week I watched Kourtney Kardashian hate on her teeny, tiny body (which doesn't look a thing like my post-baby body, even though she delivered like 2 weeks before me.) Yeah, thanks for that, Kourtney. The girl absolutely dieted herself into passing out on the beach. And then decided that she would rather be healthy than emaciated and sickly.

And I cried. Because I understand her feelings. I want to be skinny so bad that I could scream.

To top it off, one of my besties just came home from the beach and for some unknown reason decided to weigh herself on our scale. She's like 6 lbs from her pre-pregnancy weight. But she's also running 6 miles a day like 4 or 5 days a week. (I think I have said this before, but I don't have time to run 6 miles a day anymore. I barely have time for 2 30 minute workouts a day, and I can't run yet. I have tried, but every time I end up crippled for 3 days after.)

But let's face it. Skinny isn't in the cards for me right now. I am being healthy, I am eating right, I am exercising, but I absolutely refuse to kill myself for the sake of being skinny. I did that once. A long, long time ago. Back when I was running 7 miles a day at 4:30 in the morning. To be a size 4-6. Back when it didn't matter if I was healthy as long as I was skinny

The fact is, my body is not meant to be 120 lbs, and I am not meant to be a size 4-6. And I own that. But that doesn't mean I don't want to get back to the weight I was before having the Little Man - a healthy 135. That doesn't mean that I don't dream of a day when my thighs don't rub together when I walk and I don't have a dimple on my shoulder from the back-fat. That doesn't mean I don't dream of a day when I could possibly get away with a 2 piece bathing suit. It does mean that I usually laugh at myself during those day dreams. And it does mean that everytime I see a Hydroxycut commercial, I sit up and pay attention and wonder if it really works.

Point being, I have a long, long way to go. A lot longer than Kourtney Kardashian. And for today, I am ok with that. I will keep plugging along. I sympathize with all the girls who struggle with me. And I will continue to post about it much to your chagrin.

Oh and one more thing...wanna know what inspired this post? The fact that last night, for the first time since vacation, I put on my bathing suit, got in a swimming pool, and then remembered why I haven't. My fat thighs and that stupid rub rash I get every single time.


Miss Rachel's Pantry said...

I call it "chub rub"... and can totally sympathize. Try wearing little swimmy shorts on top of your suit!

Melissa Boucher :) said...

Aweee Leah but you're so beautiful just the way you aree!! Honestly!! And if it makes you feel any better I have gained 21 pounds since moving to Virgnia:P