What, you say?
Um, well it's warm, wet, and sticky.
And it's not chewing gum.
Or one of those things that you get in the quarter machines at the grocery store that if thrown up against your wall, slowly creeps down and leaves a slimy mark that only rivals a slug.
Speaking of which. It isn't.
But I'm guessing you probably picked up on that from the title of the post.
And not the good smelling Yankee Candle stuff.
Although some of it does smell good.
I am talking about rip-my-hair-from-the-roots wax.
As in, alternative-to-shaving wax.
I think most of us do it these days.
And if you don't, you probably should.
Because, let's face it, it's the friendly thing to do. IF you ever want to be seen in a bathing suit again.
Or if you don't want your husband to start calling you his jungle lover.
Not that that would ever happen at my house.
Oh dear, have I said too much?
If so, feel free to click away. It's my own fault....
For those of you still able to hold it together enough to still be reading such a ludicrous review....
I have been self-waxing since I was in college. (I went to school in FL, remember? Bathing suits every weekend....)
And for years, I have used the same wax kit.
Sally Hansen's No Heat Solution. (It used to come in a tube, which got all messy and sticky after the first 3 or so uses, but seriosly for $10, who cares!)
It was my fave.
People laughed at me when I told them I waxed myself, but it worked for me. And I never once burned myself.
I also tried Nair's pre-waxed strips. ONCE.
Which didn't used to be just for face, but whatever.
I wound up almost exactly like the woman in that Wax on, Wax off email. Only I didn't know anything about her or the dangers of wax strips at the time.
But this last time, I headed over to my local Wally World to pick up my usual.
Only to discover they didn't have any of my usual. NOT.ONE.BOX.
So, the resourcefulness inside of me took over.
By golly, I was there to get something to peel hair off with, and I wasn't leaving until I found SOMETHING to do just that even if I had to grab a pack of gum and silly putty to get the job done.
So I scoured the shelves for the next best thing.
Lucky me, I didn't have to resort to the silly putty/gum option.
'Cause I found this one instead.
You can't see it on from here, but it touts itself as providing (mostly)rashless, smooth skin and less occurrence of missed hairs.
But you do have to warm it.
I figured. Eh, whatever. I could warm it.
And off I went.
And then it was time to use it.
So I followed the instructions and heated it in my microwave for the 30 seconds it recommends. However, since my microwave is in my kitchen, and I am not in the habit of dropping my drawers in the kitchen, I did not test it at that moment as the package recommended. (Yes, yes, here's the point where you remind me that I could have tested it on my arm and I roll my eyes and hit my forehead with the palm of my hand, saying "Duh!") So I stirred. It seemed to be the same consistency as the cold wax. I was satisfied.
I ran to my bathroom and slapped some on as quickly as possible before it cooled.
When I say sticky, I mean Gorilla Glue would have spread easier than that stuff. Perhaps it was because I needed to heat it more but then the evils of scalding myself.... However, I think it was still pretty warm.
Since it wouldn't spread, I just added more.
Until I had a strip sized area covered with wax.
Then I added the strip and pulled.
Would it surprise you if I said I had to pull twice?
It surprised me. Never had that happen with my cold wax.
But just as it promised, not a hair was left behind.
However, there was an angry purple streak left in the wake.
Like Barney dinosaur purple.
Which, in case you aren't aware, is not the color my skin usually is.
2. Hair removal.
Yep. Every single one.
Maybe even some I didn't intend for it to get.
Not a bump.
Unless you count that giant, swollen purple patch of skin.
4. Will I use it again?
Not if I can help it.
My saving grace was the ointment. Thanks to the ointment, by morning, I was able to walk again, and the swelling had finally gone down. And I smelled finer than a rose in full bloom.
My one comment...those Brazillian's must be some tough women!
*It should be noted that I may order the cold gel for my next hair removal party if I can't find it in any of my local stores.
**It should also be noted that my girlfriend highly recommends hard wax. Which, if I have to special order my hair removal product, I may as well order something as highly touted as the hard wax she swears by. I promise to keep you posted.
***Unless that freaks you out even more than this post....