Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Helpful How-To: Morning Sickness

It's been a while since I thought about this subject. 

To be honest, once it was over, I never wanted to think about it again.

But recently, a friend of mine announced her pregnancy.  And then announced that she was having no symptoms of morning sickness.  One week too soon.

And I was reminded.

Of just how wretched it really is.

For some, morning sickness is just that - MORNING sickness.

For me, it was more of Morning, Mid-Day, Afternoon, and All-Night Long Sickness.

And the only way to curb my morning sickness was to eat.

And eat.

And eat.

Mostly carbs.

And very bland foods.

Thanks to this post, you can consider yourself warned against any hormonal, gestational ladies in your life who could possibly pull a Pam and puke in your trashcan if you cross.that.line.

1.  If you live with a newly pregnant sicky, you should be aware that what you eat can and will be held against you.

If you can remotely smell it in another room, she will hate you.
If you can taste it, she will hate you.
If it was once alive, she will probably hate you.
And you may as well forget anything that was once raw in your fridge. 
If it was once alive, it will make her sick.
Therefore, you are safest to eat peanut butter and toast right along side of her for the next 6 weeks or so. 
Be prepared.

2.  Even air fresheners stink.
If you are going to do a #2 in the same household as the sicky (which I highly advise may want to just rent yourself a port-a-potty for the next 6 weeks and use that) covering it up with air freshener WON'T HELP.  Close the door, turn on the fan, hang a sign, send a message.  Do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make sure she will not come in contact with your stank.
You can thank me later.

3.  Heat=sick.
You should know right now, that even if morning sickness begins in the dead of winter, you can count on the AC running. 
Because if she's hot, she's probably sick.
Get out your parka and ski-bibs, because for the next few weeks/months, unless you want to clean up her mess, you are going to have to enjoy the arctic temperatures right along side of her.

4.  Messes won't clean themselves.
Remember the days where the dishes cleaned themselves and the trash magically appeared in the can?  Yeah, those days are gone.  Cleaning grody dishes and picking up grody messes = grody thoughts = sick.
Yep.  Eating out is usually your best bet.  Unless you wanna hire a maid.  Or can tackle the mess alone.

5. Trash cans everywhere.
There was a time when I actually drove down the road with a plastic bag in my lap  It doesn't take long to learn that if you plan to escort your preggo-sicky anywhere, you will want to have something in case of emergency.  Especially in the early days of morning sickness.  It's disgusting, yes, but it's a necessary evil.  At the very least, be prepared to skid to a stop within a moment's notice. 
It just happens.

6. Sleeping Beauty.
You may think the whole sleeping all the time thing is funny, but let me tell you, watch it if there happens to be a day that she is unrested.  Lack o' snooze = sick.  Therefore, unless you want to be minding the mess, you will let her sleep. 
That sleeping is serious bizness.

7. She doesn't need to know that she's green.
Between the sickness, the exhaustion, the food deprivation, and her tight clothes, the last thing the new mommy wants to hear is, "Honey, are you ok?  You look a little green...."  Instead, you should complement her as much as possible.  Tell her that you like her new look.  Her newly tight pants turn you on.  And her coloring is amazing. 

And I think that about covers what I have to say about morning sickness.  Feel free to comment with any other suggestions.  I think you get the idea that the whole baby cooking process isn't as easy as it sounds.  However, if you can deal with bland food, puking, a whole lotta take out, and even more sleep, I think you are as prepared as anyone can be! 


Kait said...

hahah ohhh i remember when you had morning (all day) sickness!

i hear those sea-sick wristbands help some people!

(is it weird that i'm kinda hungry for some peanut butter toast now?)

Ang said...

My sickness was the "I need to throw up but I can't" variety...which is almost worse, because you know you would feel better if you could just retch but you can't!

Only one time in 2 pregnancies did I yack, and that was with Aidan...I get car sick feeling anyway, but when pregnant it's times 10000000...we were on our way home from the zoo and i tried soooo hard to hold it, we made it in the parking lot to our apartments and I just couldn't hold on any longer, the car was still moving but I jumped out, yacked, looked up and saw that I had done it right next to the're welcome neighbors...

Leah said...


I most definitely think it's weird for you to be craving PB toast, but it sounds like something Techy would do.

I like your usage of the work yack alot. Much more descriptive than "vomit" or "puke"