I work really hard to build up coolness points.
I know it may be shocking to you, but in high school, I was never a member of the cool crowd. I think maybe it was my blue rimmed glasses that were so big they barely fit on my nose.
In college, I moved up a level, but I was still just barely above the kids who spent Saturday night in the computer lab.
Post college, I didn't have anyone to be cool to, unless you count mom and dad, because yes, I moved home after college. (I just tanked your opinion of me, right??)
It's a wonder I ever found anyone to marry....
Thank God for blogs, right?
Otherwise, I'd have about 4 friends-and that's including my husband and 2 kids.
But here I get to pretend like I'm cool.
Here I get to make you think I'm cool.
I totally have you all fooled right?
(HINT: the answer is YESSSSS)
Well, let me burst your bubble.
Your opinion of me is about to change.
Because, if you happened to be one of the people sitting in church with me, you would totally know how uncool I really am.
I wish I could explain it to you.
I wish I could blame it on hard times or soft hearts, when in fact, it's just me.
We all know, I am an emotional nightmare, right???
I mean, I cry at Folger's commercials.
You know, the Christmas one, where the brother comes home from Africa???
That should explain a little bit, but...
In church, I come unglued every.single.week.
I embarrass Techy on a weekly basis.
It's a wonder he still sits with me.
Coolness points melt away in the face of raw emotion.
Tears seem to wipe any remnant of a relatively sophisticated demeanor away and leave you standing, vulnerable - heart on your frantically waving sleeve* - before any and all around you.
And then, when you realize that you have made everyone around you feel uncomfortable while they watch your emotions roll down your face, you can't help but be embarrassed.
Sometimes, like today, I feel like I need to apologize for my behavior.
But what does that say for my faith?
And the fact that I can't help but be emotional about God doing His thing?
Because, I certainly can't apologize for that.
So, how do I rebuild the coolness points?
I personally think the best way is to play it cool and be all, "if you don't like it, I'm sorry for you, cause I think you just missed out"
At least, that's what Techy would say, and I think he is SERIOUSLY cool.
*I may be southern baptist, but I may have a little pentecostal in my blood - I don't speak in tongues or anything, but I do get emotional and yes, I might raise my hand/s in church. Cringe, if you will.
Post-script: If you knew what was going on my life right now, and the things God has been using to deal with me, you probably would get excited too. Or you would think I am crazy, but personally, I think everyone needs to have a good, old-fashioned confrontation with earth-shattering faith, and that's what I have been experiencing since November. This morning in church when my all time favorite singer belted out her take on one of the songs I laid claim to back in December, I could barely contain myself.
People, He's good, all the time, and he deserves our praise. And I just couldn't hold a thing back. I'm sorry if I make you feel awkward, or if this makes it even worse. But I am broken and he is Holy. And that is all.
In case you are wondering what the awesome song is/was:
Please hear my heart.
One day, I may find the words to explain why this song speaks to me, but today, it's enough just to hear it. And sing it.