World Peace is On It's Way

Why?

Um, you heard what today was/is, right?

We talked about it here....

Granted, I can't give the Royal Wedding full credit for ensuing world peace....

Mostly because, though today has made an obvious impact the world over, those festivities pale in comparison....

I know you are confused....

So am I.  Most of the time.

But right now? 

Perfect Clarity.

Like when Bella became a vampire....

Gosh.  Have I mentioned how much I love Twilight?

I know.  It's a problem.

But yes...clarity.

Allow me to explain....

You see, this morning at 4 am, Lady Liberty showed up at my house to watch the festivities.

Thus uniting the countries of England, America, AND France.

Yes.  France.

France is the one who sent Lady Liberty, remember???? 

Ugh...the things I have to teach you people.

But this is obviously a symbol of world peace, right?

No?

Yes?

No?

I dunno....

Seriously, though....

It's like a mirror image, right?

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Although, LL's garb needs some of the flair that mine has.

Polka dots.  Woo!

Wire-rimmed glasses.  Hello fashion-forward!

And I really need to hold my torch (cell phones are the current equivalent...haven't you been to a concert lately?) a little higher....

But all in all...

Mirror image.

And yes, in true ridiculous ME fashion, I will be sharing this with as many who will read it over at Serenity Now.

Amanda's Weekend Reading Party is the highlight of my Friday's!



And try not to roll your eyes too much....

Hugsies!

Post-script: this was a totally unintentional pose.  The humor only occured to me well after I posted it on Facebook at 4 am this morning while my eyes were still a little squinty. 

YOU.ARE.WELCOME.

Weekly Weigh In #24

It's called the Up-swing, peeps....

Also known as gainage....

Because 3 (yes, THREE!!!!) weeks ago, I posted my lowest weigh in to date....

At 136.2.

And last Thursday, I was comfortably sitting at the same spot, AND I posted a picture of the proof here.

Then a 3 day travelling weekend happened.

With shorter runs.

And at least 1, if not 2 Cadbury Cream Eggs happened.*

And then Secretary's (Ahem, ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONAL'S) Day happened....

And I got this....

QUESTION: What do 2 dozen chocolate covered apples do to your diet?

ANSWER: This...

Now, as much as I am trying not to freak out, there are other things to consider here.

This is the week before my half marathon.

Therefore, my cardio levels have been severely minimized.

They should return to normal next week.

Also, since this is the week before my half, I am here to remind you that I will be running 2+ hours on Sunday.

Those 2.6 lbs. should most definitely be gone by then.

And finally, the last weak excuse for my weight gain?

MUSCLE.

Clearly.

Because I am currently wearing shorts that were only seen previously here:

Some 2 plus years ago....

When they were tight on me.

And they are currently loose.

Very loose.

As are almost all of my clothes.

These days, I am wearing a size 6 comfortably. 

And a size 8 if it's tight in the rear.  (am I the only woman in the world whose posterior is out of proportion with her waist?  I think not.  And yet, clothing designers create articles of clothing as if every girl's waist is proportional to her keister.  Why is that the case?!  WHY!?!?!)

So a 2.6 lb. weight gain isn't the end of the world.

Unless it's higher next week.

Then we need to have an intervention.

And a good cry!

I'll keep you posted.

*Note: Cadbury Cream Eggs are the key to my heart.  Diamonds are not this girl's best friend - I would much rather have Cadbury Cream Eggs.  So if you are comtemplating buying my affection, just imagine all the money you could be saving....  Especially while they are still 50% off on the shelve in your local grocery store.  What are you waiting for!?!

My Honest Opinion: The Royal Wedding Version

Are you going to be joining me?

And my mom?

And my sister?

And my nanny?

Who will be up at 4 am watching the royal nuptials?

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Not gonna lie, I think the networks may have gone a bit overboard about it, but I don't care! 

I loved Diana, and I was almost related to William at one point in time....

And my honest opinion is that this is the wedding of my lifetime.

So, yeah. 

Gonna watch it.

And cry the entire time.

And if you wanna watch it with me, and if I knew how to use Twitter, we could tweet each other play by plays.

Alas, I am Twitter-stupid, so no hash-tagging anything for me.

But look for me on Facebook.

I'll be there.

Probably wearing my pearls and my tiara.

I'm dressing up for this one....

Anyone interested in a Royal Wedding Linky Party?

Where we all post pics of our Royal Wedding Attire?

Yes?  No?  Yes?  Maybe?  Call me?  Text me?  Let me know!  Cause I am so game!

Helpful-How-To: How to Determine the Next American Idol

Well...

We could wait until America decides in like 6 weeks....

But since I have very distinct intuitive gifts, I figured I should use them to help you determine who you need to vote for.

Make sure you take notes. 

I don't want you to be confused tonight when it comes time to vote.

Ready?

Pen and paper handy?

Ok.

Go.

6.  Jacob Lusk.

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Man, this kid is adorable.

And emotional.

And very good.

But currently, he is by far the weakest link.

By far.

He is adorable, but he is no Luther Vandross.  Not yet anyway.

But please, it's time....

5.  Haley Reinhart.

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Part of me hates to say put her this low on the list after last week's incredible performance of "Falling in the Deep"....

Seriously.

Where has that been all season?!?!?

My question is, is it too little too late?

And my other question is, can someone make her stop doing that finger pointing thing?

As seen here....(at 1:02 to be exact)

And here....(at 1:06)

And here (1:02)....

I think you get the picture....

Although it does get slightly more annoying....

Like here...where she cleverly disguised finger pointing with hula dancing.

So yes, despite the fact that this girl has prime vocal potential, her stage performance leaves something to be desired.

From me.

All you Haley lovers, don't hate.

I'm sure you enjoy her adorable finger pointing/hula dancing.

I'm just seeing the other side of the coin.

The annoying side. 

4. Scotty McCreery.

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I love this kid.  I really do.

And I know that there is no way that country music will let him get away.

But this singing out of the side of your mouth thing just isn't for me.

Although, seriously.

What a cutie.

3.  James Durbin.

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Hey kid,

You're good.

Real good.

But the Adam Lambert thing has been done.

Like last year.

It's too fresh in our minds to make you unique.

But man, are you good.

You really could win.

Although, probably not.

Because the best performers never win, do they???

2.  Casey Abrams.

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Wanna know a funny little secret?

Techy has a man crush on Casey.

If Techy could sing, it would be music that Casey sings.

If Techy could grow a beard it would be just like Casey's.

If Techy could play an upright bass, he would play one just like Casey's.]

Who knew, right?

I know.  I know.

But doesn't it make perfect sense now that you think about it?

Techy loving Casey?

If Techy still had a Trapper Keeper, this would be on the front of it....

And I have to admit, the dude is amazing. 

It takes a special kind of talent to do Nat King Cole and Maroon Five back to back.

Definitely impressive.

But despite his amazing skillz, the kid is still not my number one.

And clearly, he shouldn't be yours either.

You are taking notes, right?

Because this leads me to my number one pick.

And I need you to know how to vote appropriately for the next few weeks....

1. Lauren Alaina.

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Oh.my.gosh.

Can we talk about how much she looks like Candace Cameron?

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Which is probably why I like her so much.

It's a weekly reminder of my childhood bff-who-didn't-know-she-was-my-bff, DJ Tanner....

(Can anyone tell me why she and Steve broke it off?  I mean, clearly they were meant to be together.  Part of me is still a little torn up inside about that.  Especially since he went on to land that amazing gig with Aladdin, and all she got was marriage to a lame Hockey player....  Oh well.  Such is life.)

And the girl can flat sing!

Or maybe I should say, "Sang" in true southern terminology.

She does have the slightest little accent....

That kinda makes me feel better about my own, ever-diminishing accent.

And seriously, watch out Carrie Underwood...cause someone is about to steal your thunder!!!!

(Have I ever mentioned how much I love Carrie Underwood?

And how in another life, we are gonna be besties?

No?  Huh.  I can't imagine why....  That should definitely be one whole post in and of itself.)

But back to Lauren. 

In another life, she and I are gonna be good friends just so she can follow me around and pretend to be my radio.

And if that isn't glamorous enough for her, then I don't know what is.

That being said, I hope you know hwo to vote over the next few weeks.

And please don't let me down tonight.

Ok?

Post-script: this should really be a "My Honest Opinion" post, but really, I got nothing.  And you probably needed some clarification for who we need to see in the finale anyway....

It's like Finding Nemo. Gone wrong.

No.

This post does not in any way involve the neglect, loss and/or killing of any fishies.

It does, however, involve my adorable child.

And his newest, not-so-adorable trick.

Ok, so it isn't so much a trick as it is an annoyance....

Remember this moment?

Um.  Yeah.

That is now EVERY moment in our house.

Everything is MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE.

Not that he has any need to lay claim to his Elmo balloon, Eggo or socks.

(I may be a crummy mother, but it isn't like I am always trying to rob him of the things he loves.)

Despite that, the kid has still managed to learn that he wants everything, and that EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE needs to be clarified as being "MINE".

LOUDLY.

"MINE!!!!"

And if said desired object does not come immediately into his possession after he lays claim to it with this magical "MINE" word, a meltdown should immediately ensue.

Because if the magical "MINE" word doesn't work, then a screamfest should!*

These meltdowns/screamfests are complete with screaming, squeeling, kicking, stomping, and hitting if necessary.

And should the meltdown/screamfest be met with anything other than immediate satisfaction it will be followed by the puffy lip, the tearfilled eyes, and stubborn, angry stance.

But never crying. 

Because my kid has already figured out that crying shows weakness. 

(A lesson his mother could stand to learn...)

Rest assured that all such acts of insolence are being met with lots and lots of eye rolling on the part of Techy and I.

Because eye rolling is clearly an effective form of parenting.

Combined with a regular, healthy dose of discipline. 

Because that's what my mom did. 

She disciplined me.**



And she totally rocks as a mom.

And despite the fact that I stole crayons from Sunday School and dragged my sister down the school hallway by my bookbag, I turned out ok.

And really, that's all I'm going for. 

Keep the kid alive and pray he turns out ok.

Anything more than that will just be bonus.

*Note: They don't.

**For the record, time outs are insufficient for a child such as this, who has learned that he likes to sit in the corner with his arms crossed and pout.  Alot.  It is during times like these that I wonder if he may already be plotting for world domination. 

Especially when a minute into time out, this look crosses his face.

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 Post-script: I am a Christian mom (meaning I love Jesus) and

I pray daily that Little Man will come to know and love Jesus too. 

Just in case you want to judge me. 

This post is almost entirely written from a sarcastic point of view. 

Please enjoy it as such.

The Lame Run

You guys may have realized that the past several Mondays, I have been bragging blogging about my running.

If not, you can catch up here.

And I think I may have revealed that in the past month I have been given the opportunity to run 2 big races.

Major opportunities for a girl like me.

And thanks to my extensive running-for-fun to help my friend Amber train for her 2 big races, I was pretty much trained up.

Last week was my 11 mile run in prep for my half marathon next week.

And yesterday was scheduled to be my 9 mile run.

Despite the fact that I have run 9 miles before.

Despite the fact that I have run 10 miles before.

And despite the fact that I just ran 11 miles last weekend, there were several factors making this run far more difficult than any of my other runs.

1. I would be running it alone.

In case you just climbed out from under a rock, yesterday was Easter Sunday. 

Almost everyone I know was either out of town or with family. 

Including Amber.

And including me. 

Until about 3:30 yesterday afternoon.

2.  It was hot!

I hate to whine about the weather. 

Especially when a few months ago I was complaining about snow.

But the thing is...I learned to really enjoy running in the cold.

You see, I sweat.

Alot.

Kinda like a man.

Or worse.

Maybe like a pig.

In heat.

And running in the cold helps mitigate the sweating like a pig in heat.

Kinda.

3.  Time limits.

Did I mention that I travelled for a good portion of the day yesterday?

So by the time I got home it was well after 3 pm.

And yes, there was that whole mowing situation.

So by the time I was free to run, it was after 5 o'clock....

Giving me very little time to go anywhere to run it.  (Meaning, I would have to make multiple loops around my 'hood to get in the mileage.  Have you ever tried to run the same loop over and over and over?  It's seriously like being on a merry go round complete with motion sickness somewhere mid-loop 2....)

And giving me about 2.5 hrs to squeeze in a 9 miler before dark....

Shouldn't have been a problem except for....

4.  Rain.  Thunder.  Lightning.  And HAIL....  Oh my!

About half a mile into my run, it started sprinkling. 

Lest you think I am a pansy, I run in the rain.

But I was wearing Techy's new $90 bluetooth headset.*

Which is sweat resistant. 

But not water proof!

Sprinkling was dealable.

But then the sky's opened.

As in, I got passed by several pairs of animals looking for an ark.

And then the hail hit....

Nevermind the thunder and lightning.

I figured that was a good enough sign.

So I went in.

And waited.

About an hour later, I tried again.

And got about 6.5 miles in before the rain hit again.

This time there was no sprinkling.

Just a downpour.

So back inside I went and while my legs were still warm, I hit my elliptical for another 22 minutes or the approximate time it would have taken for me to finish up another 2.2 miles.

After everything was said and done, here was my total breakdown from yesterday's "run":

(hint: read top to bottom)

All in all, I ran approximately 8 miles yesterday plus whatever I did on the elliptical. 

And to be honest, I don't know if this is sufficient training for my half next week or not.

In the meantime, I am keeping my fingers crossed and enjoying some nice easy runs this week while I am waiting for the race day.

And.

Lest you think I am a total sell out, I did run while I was away this weekend.

And that run was alone in the rain.

And the second half was almost entirely uphill.

And I happened to really enjoy it.

So yeah.

I CAN be tough.

And I can do distance.

Just not when I am threatened with the possibility being struck by lightning....

So what do you think?

Will my lacksadaisical (wimpy) training pay off or will I be regretting these decisions when it comes to race time?

*Let this be a lesson for race day.  As wonderful as bluetooth headphones may be, there is no way that I want to have to worry about them for 2 hours should the rain roll in.

Decoy

Rather that blogging about my lame excuse for a run yesterday, I have come up with a list of things that I would rather discuss.

1.  I just watched Avatar for the first time last night. 

Yes.  I enjoyed it.

But nowhere near as much as Techy.

Who sat with his hands clasped in delight (the entire 3 hours) like a 5 year old girl watching Little Mermaid for the first time.

The smile on his face was reminiscent of every toddler at Sesame Street Live. 

On another note, how sad is it that these are the places my mind goes?  Little Mermaid and Sesame Street Live?  Oh well.  This is life now.

2.  This weekend, thanks to a radio show, Techy and I had a hot debate about the order our children would watch Star Wars in.

I argued that it's only fair to make them watch it in the same order as I did.

4, 5, & 6 first THEN 1, 2, & 3.

Techy argued that chronological order is only logical.

I argued back that our children may suffer from "low-graphics-shock" after watching 1,2, & 3 then moving on to 4, 5, & 6. 

Techy says it doesn't matter and that chronological order wins out.

Strange considering his statement that he was "so thankful that we have made such advances in technology that have provided us with such amazing graphics as those in Avatar."

Yeah.

Techy?  Your kids are going to hate you for doing that to them.  Just saying.

3.  Little Man has mutated.

Meaning, the child has learned how to climb stairs.

Both up and down.

He has learned the meaning of the word "no" and that he doesn't typically like the word "no".

He has learned the word "mine".  This may be the death of me.

He has learned to kiss on demand.

He has learned the back arch with which every child begins their temper tantrums.*

He has learned that his favorite thing in the world is to throw anything reminiscent of a ball as hard as possible.**

All in all, the kid is both incredibly adorable and incredibly spunky.

And I already have my hands full. 

4.  I suck at running alone. 

Or when it's raining and I am wearing Techy's new $90 bluetooth headset.

More on this later.  I promise. 

I like to wallow.  And complain alot.

And this will most definitely provide that outlet.

5.  I went to sunrise service yesterday with my mom and my baby (not-so-baby-ish, about-to-get-married) brother yesterday.

It was different than any sunrise service I have ever been to before.

In every way possible.

And was most definitely eye opening and entertaining.

And most of all reminded me that having an "Empty Easter" isn't so bad.

After all, isn't the EMPTINESS what it's all about?

The Empty Cross....

The Empty Tomb....

6.  I helped my child color his first Easter Eggs this weekend (read: stole my kid's joy by coloring them all myself).

They were the prettiest eggs ever.

Mostly 2 toned or striped. 

Because I saw someone else do it, and I wanted to try it for myself.

All the while, my child sat strapped in a high chair playing with a truck and never once touching an egg.

Yes, I am an excellent mother, why do you ask?

7.  I don't spoil my child.

I am a terrible mother and didn't make an Easter basket for the kid who would rather play with a truck or throw his Easter eggs than hunt them.

I think I deserve considerable applause for this.

I mean, I managed to avoid succumbing my child to commercialism for yet another holiday.

And to top it off...

I also didn't buy an Easter outfit for the poor kid.

That's right. 

No argyle sweater vest or pastel blue shorts and dress shoes that he will only pull off in less than 30 seconds and start waving around to the nursery workers while screaming "shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" at the top of his lungs.

Nope.  I didn't. 

Will he ever forgive me?

To be honest, I am torn on whether these failures avoidances make me a more amazing or a more disgraceful mother.

I am leaning toward amazing.

Because clearly, there is so much teaching going on here.

My kid is learning the power of simple living.

And I should obviously milk that for all it's worth.

And for as long as it lasts.

8.  While I like to pride myself on not spoiling my child, I really don't think it would be too much to provide him with a pacifier while we are stuck in the car for long trips.

As a matter of fact, I think this is entirely necessary for both my sanity as well as the sanity of my poor kid. 

Because clearly there were several times when he would have/could have napped, but chose instead to scream without it.

And although he can certainly nap without one at daycare, he naps much better WITH one in the car.

9.  I am an amazing wife.

As if it weren't obvious.

I let my husband drive all the way to Virginia.

And then all the way back to Delaware.

And then I let him mow for 2 hours.

Yes.I.know.

Stand in awe of my amazing wifery skills.

Seriously, though.

I did let him sleep in before the big drive home.

AND I let him have the 2 hour time slot to mow, when clearly, I could have been running.

And yes, no matter what you think this was a HUGE sacrifice for me.

Because as soon as he was done and I went out, it started raining.

And rained off and on all evening.

So see?  I really am amazing.  AND generous....

And to top it off, I let my husband take my kid over to the in-law's for the evening so he could enjoy Easter Dinner with them while I attempted a 9 mile run.

And you thought I was joking....

10.  I have been having a heated debate*** with MYSELF about whether I should be reading Water for Elephants or The Hunger Games trilogy after I finish Breaking Dawn for the 3rd time. 

My friend, Emily, posted about having read Water for Elephants a few weeks ago.

And then I saw the preview.

And decided that I needed even more Robert Pattinson in my life.****

And hello?!?!  I am readying Breaking Dawn AGAIN....

So wouldn't a natural transition be to go from RP to RP?

I.e., Twilight associated books to Water for Elephants???

But everyone else I know is talking about these amazing Hunger Games books that I just bought.

And how can I continue to NOT BE INVOLVED in those conversations?

So until further notice, I have given up the fight and am reading all 3 books at the same time. 

Therefore, I am too busy to have friends right now.

Thankyouverymuch.


*  This, my friends, is the beginning of the end.

**This was only slightly problematic after we colored Easter Eggs....


***Secretly, the debate is centered around the sheer panic that Water for Elephants is in theatres already and Hunger Games hasn't even begun filming yet.  Nevermind the fact that I get to choose when I see the movies....  Welcome to the inner workings of my mind....

****You know, because despite the fact that I read the Twilight books BEFORE watching the movies, RP will always be the face of Edward in my mind.  And now, of course, Jacob Jankowski.  Thank you very much, Hollywood, for ruining my imagination....

My Honest Opinion: Flower Beds - the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I think we have sufficiently established the fact that there are some things that I do well. 

Running.  Not super fast, but check.

Losing weight.  Albeit, slowly?  Check.

Building a Breakfast Nook?  Check.

Crafting random objects?  Check.  Check.

However, there is at least one thing that this girl can't do.

And this isn't just a case of "can't do well".

This is a case of "can't do AT ALL".

I, of course, am referring to gardening.

Let's just say there is more than one reason why my neighbors call us the Klopek's behind our backs.

It may or may not have something to do with my inane ability to make shrubbery quake in its topsoil.

Seriously.

Have I ever mentioned the fact that when we first moved in to our house we had a beautiful weeping willow in the back yard?

As seen here:

(It may or may not have been Techy's primary reason for buying this house.)

And have I ever mentioned the fact that within our first month of being in said house, the tree uprooted itself and tried to walk away? 

Yep.

We should pretty much hang this sign on our front lawn.

Don't know who the Klopek's are???

Which is pretty much the case, unless of course, you are a good PLASTIC Ikea plant. 

And then you may survive.

But anything else?

Forget about it.

In my brief existence as an attempted gardener, I have killed everything, even my favorite of all - Pansies - which I am told are remarkably hardy and difficult to do away with.

But I, the black-thumbed plant killer, have brought many a plant to its demise. 

With relatively little effort.

What can I say?  It's a gift.

I longingly look at homes with lovely flower beds and thriving gardens.

I dream of an alternate universe, where my alter ego spends all of her time playing in the dirt and appreciating the fruits of her endeavors.  (Pun intended)

And as I watch spring time unfold it only gets worse.

I was looking at my pitiful flower beds last night, longing for something... 

And I had a memory....

Something from a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Also known as our former home.  Barely 10 miles away.

When we were there I had a plant - a LIVE plant - that actually lived.

That's right, folks. 

There is at least one plant that has survived even the irrevocable death sentence that is "living with Leah".

Unfortunately, though, I had to leave it behind on moving day.

Apparently, digging it up plants while someone else is trying to move in to their new home is not ok.

But that doesn't mean I didn't want to.

It was a magical species of red geranium.

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A beautiful, lovely geranium.

The name on the tag was a "survivor" geranium.

So apparently, someone in some green house far, far away has engineered a "survivor" plant that is equipped to survive even my black thumb....

Therefore, I really take no real credit for its survival, despite my best efforts of over watering, under watering, never watering....

After all, it was a "survivor". 

Man, I loved that plant.

So bloom-y and pretty. 

And it made my flower beds look like someone knew what they were doing.

Nothing like my current flower beds. 

Which sit somewhere on the opposite end of the spectrum.

And I blame it on the most disgusting and unkillable plant known to mankind - the Hosta.

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Just saying the word - or in this case, typing it - makes me cringe.

I have plucked and pulled and cut and hacked and beat and cursed and attempted in every way possible to get rid of these plants that seem to cover every square inch of my current flower beds.

All to no avail.

I realize many of you are probably wondering why on earth I would ever try to kill any type of plant with my reputation, and truthfully, if hosta's remained the way they look in the above picture, it would be perfectly fine.

But that is not the case. 

Those pretty flowers die after about 2 weeks and then...

BOOM

You have ugly, naked sticks everywhere!

Now imagine that you have 40 hosta plants in your back yard.

And every hosta has 4 of those stems, errrrr, sticks.

That's 160 nasty, naked sticks....

And I don't do sticks. 

Remember that tree?

Um, yeah.

I picked up my share of sticks that year.

I realize that I should really come down of my high horse and at the very least admire the survivability of such an incredibly unkillable plant.

Heck, at this point, even dandelions should be a thing of beauty to me! 

But alas.  That is not the case.

I happen to like my high horse.

And I happen to want flower beds filled with unkillable geranium's.  Not stinky, stick-y hosta's! 

Is that too much to ask?

I think not!

Helpful How-To: How to Make an Impact

Occasionally, I accidently have a moment of brilliance.

A moment of sheer, uninhibited enlightenment.

And occasionally, you get to reap the benefits of that.

Today is not one of those days.

Just so you know.

Today is actually the opposite day.

(No, not the day that I wear my clothing inside out or backwards like I did on "opposite day" in high school....)

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(Although, man, do I wish I had pictures of those memories like this kids does....)

But yeah, so brilliance is not my strong suit today.

It may have something to do with all the stress that is swimming around in my brain.

The same stress that is causing me to create ripples of faux pas everywhere I go.

And ridiculousness.

Ridiculousness that makes me desperately wish I had an elevator at work, so I could start relieving some of my stress with these tactics. 

Oh how I love elevator jokes.

And so as to not be alone in my impact-making-mania, I am here to share some of the ways I am inadvertently making waves.

Because apparently, lists are my thing this week....

1.  Dress like a crazy person.

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Ok, so none of my outfits have included a pirate patch yet....

But I did wear a mini skirt on the coldest day of the week.  WITH a cable knit cardigan.

And didn't shave my legs.

While also wearing bright pink panties that were far too big and stuck out over the waist band by a good 2 inches everytime you even thought about bending over.

My outfits have gotten so random of late that even the people of Walmart are raising their eyebrows at me.

2.  Every day when you come home from work, pull into your driveway, idle for 5 minutes and then pull back out.

This will drive your neighbors bonkers.

They will begin to gossip to over their fences about you.

They may even start trying to see what goes on in your back yard after dark....

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Very Tom Hanks, circa 1989.

3.  Ask your neighbors to watch your pet every other weekend while you are out of town.

You thought the gossip was bad before when you were just idling in your driveway?

You won't even believe where it will go when they realize that you aren't even home on the weekends.

They will start suspecting things like witness protection or extra-terestrial hunting....

My poor neighbors....

Even better?

When you get a text from them that said pet has gotten loose. 

And that they chased it around the neighborhood for 2 hours.

While you are presumably enjoying a weekend away.

Yes.  Our neighbors do love us. 

Why do you ask?

4.  Dance {poorly} while driving down the road. 

There is nothing that attracks attention quite like someone attempting to dance to Black Eyed Peas while driving down the road.

Especially when the car starts to rock while you are sitting at a stop light.

To take this just that much farther occasionally turn around to wave at your toddler in the back seat and then try to get them to dance along with you.  The people behind you may not see the toddler, but they will most definitely see you.

And be prepared for the LOOK.

The one they will give you to indicate they recognize your insanity. 

5.  Announce to the world via your blog that you are trying to get pregnant.

And then announce on Facebook that you are going in for an ultrasound.

And watch the responses pour in.

No, people, I am not pregnant.

Much to my chagrin.

But I do have some minor issues with my thyroid that we want to have cleared up before any little stowaway climbs on board....

Sorry for any undue excitement my unintentional comment may have caused. 

Never fear though, you (and by you, I mean the internet at large) will be among the first 352,000 to know when that finally does happen.

If it should happen.

Which I am sure it will. 

In good time.

And by good time, I mean....  Well, actually, nevermind....

Although...am I the only one who can't think about baby making without remembering that episode of "Mad About You" when she was ovulating and ended up getting locked in their laundry room before anything could happen?

Anyway, you get the idea.

No, I'm not pregnant.

But in the meantime, I will continue making an impact - good, bad, scary-to-look-at, or just plain weird - every where I go.

Who's copying whom?

If only I had a little more volume....

I Like to Brag. Alot

This should probably be a confessional post rather than a braggy post.

But I do like to brag way more than I like to confess.

Therefore, I am planning to use bragging to make this post more cohesive.

And entertaining.

Brag #1.  Today, I am wearing a mini skirt. 

Not like a tight - I'm-too-sexy-for-my-skirt - mini skirt. 

Just a cute short skirt.

As seen here. 

For $14.99

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NOTE: I did NOT pay $14.99 for it.

I paid $2.60 for it. 

The brag here is that I CAN wear a mini skirt. 

AND get a good deal.

So yeah.

After a year and 4.5 months, I can finally wear a mini skirt.

Brag #2.  I am in no way tempted by Peeps.

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See that?

See how I cleverly disguised a complaint about how disgusting marshmallows are into a brag about my ability to withstand the call of the Peep?

I know, I know. 

How could I NOT love Peeps?! 

It's like a disappointment to the general public.

But I don't like Peeps and Techy doesn't like mushrooms.

I see this as balance. 

Universal balance.

Life is still worth living as long as we can balance one another this way, right?

Brag #3.  I did mention that I ran 11 miles this weekend, right?

And I plan to run more over the next 2 weeks. 

Crazy, I know.

I'm kind of a rock star like that. 

Also.  My water bottle is cooler than yours.

Just saying.

Brag #4.  I totally scored swim apparel for the whole family for less than $50 this weekend.

Including, but not limited to 2 suits for me, 2 for the Little Man PLUS a board shirt (aren't little boy board shirts ADORABLE?), and a suit for Techy. 

Yes.  Grand total was something ridiculous like $48.00.

Thank you, Old Navy 60% off sale. 

You made my summer so much easier.

And cheaper.

Brag #5.  I am the queen of cooking with Rotel Tomatoes.

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Why not? 

They are cheap.

They add tons of pizzazz to any meal.

Not to mention color.

Nevermind the regret that hits the day after when my rear end is left feeling like I am sitting on a match.

But for those of you with stronger systems than mine, Rotel apparently has a hotter version.

For those who think the original isn't hot enough.

Don't believe me?
 
It's true. 

I swear.
Brag #6.  I have total self confidence.

After 30 years.  I finally have acquired self confidence.

I.e., I am wearing a mini skirt without shaving my legs.

And in spite of all the bruises on my legs due to my clumsiness.

This could only mean 1 of 2 things.

Either I am totally lazy and didn't feel like reaching farther into my closet this morning.

Or I no longer rely on other peoples' opinions to determine my self worth.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Brag #7.  I hit 500+ hits in one day right here on ye olde blogge.

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That's new records for me.

And I got like 2% of that in comments (i.e. 10 comments in one day.  Also new records....)

Look out, Pioneer Woman, here I come! 

Brag # 8.  Pillows for Breakfast nook - DONE!

Also, I think I finally finished the breakfast nook this weekend.

Unfortunately, all I have is this crappy cell phone picture of half of it to show you.

Act like you are as excited as I am.


So yes.

Only 8 brags for you today.... 

Sorry for you who wanted more. 

But most especially for those of you who could barely stomach the 8....

I'll stop for now.

In the words of the great, Tigger.

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TTFN.

Ta Ta For Now!

And the Beat Goes On

First of all, thank you very much, old-school Brittney Spears for the title of this post.

This is a running post.

And you guys are going to think I have lost my mind.

You know, if you don't already assume that.

Which is highly probable.

But I honestly thought I had capped off my running at last week's 10 miler.

And then a few things happened.

Like being offered the opportunity to run a half marathon.

In 2 weeks.

Yes.

I know.

Half marathon.

Isn't that 13.1 miles?

Yes, yes....

Let's all take a minute to appreciate the fact that I will officially be doing something that a few months ago I said I wouldn't be doing.

But alas, I am not preggers yet, so....

Why turn down the opportunity to run it?

I can't think of one good reason.

So I said yes.

And changed my plans from running a 6 miler yesterday to 11.

And with the help of my running buddy, Amber, we did it.

And yes, it was tough. 

As in, Taio Cruz was screaming through my headphones "DYNOMITE!" and I was still thinking, "wouldn't it be fun to stop and walk for a few miles".

Thankfully, Ke$ha saved the day and got me distracted wondering where she got a necklace with Jesus on it.

Seriously, though, I felt every step after the first 3 miles.

Possibly because we ran the first 3 miles at a 9:30 pace despite the hills that we were running.

But we still finished. 

And we finished strong.

Just over my goal 10:30 pace.

With only 2 brief - and I mean tinier than a supermodel's jean size - water breaks to refill our awesome water bottles.

Sidenote/Credit: if you are a runner and you haven't tried these water bottles, stop what you are doing and order one.  RIGHT NOW.

And now, I am officially capped out for my pre-race long runs.

After this, I have to run a 9 mile run, which I will do next Sunday (after travelling 6 hours...Techy is gonna love me!)

And then the race.

In 2 weeks.

And then 2 weeks later, I am running a leg of the Delaware Marathon Relay with Team Dealcatcher.

At that point, I think that 6.55 miles should be remarkably enjoyable in comparison.

My Honest Opinion: Why You Need to Sign Up for a 5k. Like Today.

If you have never done a 5k, you are SOOOO missing out. 

I could give you a million and one reasons to do a 5k, but instead, I narrowed it down to my top 5 reasons to do a 5k.

Try to be excited, K?  I know I am!

1.  Because it's totally the IN thing.

Yep.  Everyone is doing it.

Do you really want to be the only one NOT doing it?

I didn't think so. 

Kinda like if everyone else jumped off a cliff, right?

I mean, clearly, this is one instance where following the crowd is ok.

It's like the opportunity you were waiting for in your teens, but never got. 

And if there is a Fun Run for the Kids, you will most definitely laugh your pants off. 

Because those kids are hilarious.  And adorable.  And fiercely competitive.

In a way that adults are too civilized to be.

And well. 

It's just so awesomesauce! 

Kinda like a root beer float on a hot summer Sunday. 

Only I don't like root beer. 

I know.  My husband is appalled as well.

But I do like Diet Dr. Pepper. 

So ya know. 

That's what I make mine with.

And I pretend like it's root beer. 

To fit in.

So, what have we learned here? 

To do a 5k in order to fit in?  Eh, I guess that's kinda what I was trying to say....

2.  Because it's healthy.  Duh.

And then you get to tell people you are attempting to be healthy.

Which pretty much gets you double points in life.

For those of you who are keeping track of points.

And I don't just mean Weight Watchers Points.

I mean awesome life points. 

Which pretty much smash WW Points to smithereens.

Lesson here: Attempts at good health are actually better than dieting...unless you are looking at the scale. 

But sometimes even then.... 

So...yeah.... 

(If you think there was no real lesson to this point, you may be right.)

3.  Because it's fun!

(Also known as "you will release endorphins and endorphins are totally better than jelly beans in the middle of a Rice Krispie Treat")

This could also be interpreted as you will smile alot.

And who doesn't love smiling?

Except maybe Ebenezer Scrooge.

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Or Scrooge McDuck.

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Or maybe this guy in the first half of "Ground Hog Day".

Credit - (this pic made me snort out loud)

So yeah. 

Be warned.  You may also get carried away and wave at people you don't know.  Randomly.

Should this happen, you could end up losing a few seconds off of your time due to the extreme concentration it takes to run and wave at the same time.

You have been warned.

But this could just be a Leah thing.  I dunno for sure.

4.  Because you probably won't finish last. 

Let me clarify.  This means that more than likely, you will beat SOMEONE. 

And seriously, who doesn't want to beat SOMEONE?

The self satisfaction is enough to really justify spending the $20 on the race.

Because clearly, you just beat someone.

Thus making you better than them (in this one area).

And this is really the only time in your life where you actually get to enjoy being better than someone else publicly.

Enjoy it.

Also, you may get to be better than yourself.

Which is really better than being better than someone else.

I.e., do we all remember my first 5k?

Last night I shaved more than 2 minutes off of my pace and 6 minutes off my overall time. 

Hello, PERSONAL RECORD!!!!

That's pretty much sweeter than beating anyone else. 

If I do say so myself.

(Again, this could just be a Leah thing.  But I don't think so.)

5.  For the free tee shirt. 

Also known as the one you pay $20 bucks for. 

But still, for the tee shirt.

And if you can get your friends to run/walk it with you, it's even better.

Because now you will all have matching free tee shirts.

And seriously, who doesn't want to have a matching free tee shirt party?

Now, simply by wearing your matching free tee's you get to let everyone around you know not only are you attempting to get healthy by participating in a race, but you have friends (or people you know) who were willing to participate with you. 

That's serious tight bonds there.

SERIOUS.

Also for the cool post race pics.

Katie & Maelynn - totally rocked it WITH A STROLLER, Carrie, Me, & Kaci

But I am not gonna make a number for that one.

I just wanna show off the pics.

And my time again.

And wait for the comments to come rolling in.

Also, for the record, I am sharing this post at Amanda's weekly bloggy reading party.

Because I am really puffed up with self-satisfaction today and what better way to show that off?

Click on over and join me! 

Helpful How-To: A Day Late & A Dollar Short

This post should probably be labeled as "How to Get the Most from $50".

Because that, my friends, is the reality of this post.

This weekend I went to my favorite store of all time.

And I spent less than $50 on a couple big ticket items....

Things that have already made a huge impact on my home.

Wanna see them?

1.  A 4x6 Bamboo rug for my kitchen. $19.99

Somewhat low impact for now. 

But in a few weeks, I plan to take the information that Jen over at Tatertots and Jello provided and make it into something fancy like she did.

Um, yeah.  For $19.99, I think it's totally worth it.

2.  Bamboo Blinds.  $3.99.

This poor window has been covered with a lacy valance since we moved in. 

It was so due for an upgrade.

Yes.  It's a bathroom. 

And yes, you can slightly see through the blinds when the light is on, but no one ever uses this bathroom. And my back yard is full of trees. 

This blind is more than sufficient.

TRUST ME.

3.  Another Bamboo Blind.  $9.99

Yes.  You can REALLY see through this one.

I'm aware. 

But considering that we put a blind like this in Little Man's room 2 years ago for 3x the price, I can't complain. 

It darkens the room just a smidge.

And very nicely when the drapes are closed. 

Plus, I love the warmth that the bamboo adds to the windows when looking in from outside. 

For now, this room is a guest bedroom. 

And hopefully over the next year, we will transition this room into Little Man's - big boy room, so the curtains will most likely remain pulled all the time anyway. 

Plus the windows will (finally) all appear uniform from the outside of my house.*

4.  Summer Curtains $14.98

Here I have a before for you.  My already dark living room.  With dark drapes.

As much as I love them....

These babies sing to me.

I feel like my living room just lost 40 lbs.

There is the slightest chance that these curtains will become valances and pillow covers to lighten the room even more.

Either way, money well spent.

Total cost: $48.95

Total impact: On me, Lots....

The only thing Techy has noticed so far is the rug.

Total impact on my neighbors?  None yet.  As long as I can keep Techy from walking into the guestroom completely naked with all the lights on, then it should stay that way.

I know most of you are wondering how often that happens and rolling your eyes.

But I'll just say that the chances of that happening are actually better than the chances of Pia getting voted off American Idol.

Yeah.

So if you hear someone screaming, "Oh!  MY EYES!" from our direction, you will probably know what happened.

*Am I the only one who looks at windows in people's homes and get annoyed if they don't appear uniform?  I mean, really drapes here, blinds here, curtains here....  It just BOTHERS me. 

Mantelphobia Continued

Yes.  I realize it's Wednesday.

And I realize that Wednesday's are primarily dedicated to Helpful How-To's here Behind the Stone Wall.

(What?  You didn't realize that?  Well.  It is.  So there.)

But we're all aware of my tendencies, right?

So today, I may or may not get around to a Helpful How-To....

But in the meantime, remember my mantel envy and my immense envy of everyone with a fireplace/mantel?

Well....

Do any of you stalk Layla like I do?  (I, of course, am referring to figurative blog-stalking.  None of this, "Every-breath-you-take-Sting-crap.)

And did any of you happen to see her amazing Presto-Change-O from last night?

Um.  Yeah.

The girl gave me an idea.

It wasn't in her Presto-Change-O, per se.

But in her inspiration pics.

Namely.

This one.

Yes, this picture came straight from her inspiration board.  And I am fully giving her credit for it. 

I know.

You don't see what I see.

But for clarification.

Let me tell you what I see.

I see my electric stove.

Sitting inside of a build out fireplace wall.

I.e., I could BUILD MY OWN MANTEL....

Or rather, Techy could build my own mantel, since he is clearly so handy with power tools.

Now that it's out there...you probably shouldn't run and tell him about it.

He is still trying to get the sawdust out of his nose hairs from the last project....

So yeah.  Let's make this our little secret, K?

And here's to Layla, for always providing amazing inspiration.

P.S.  This is the second time in 2 weeks that I have walked away from her blog with full intentions of making her brilliance part of my home.  Wanna see the other one?  Check it out here.  Um. Yeah.  Never have I been so in love with white, white and more white.