Tuesday, April 26, 2011

It's like Finding Nemo. Gone wrong.

No.

This post does not in any way involve the neglect, loss and/or killing of any fishies.

It does, however, involve my adorable child.

And his newest, not-so-adorable trick.

Ok, so it isn't so much a trick as it is an annoyance....

Remember this moment?

Um.  Yeah.

That is now EVERY moment in our house.

Everything is MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE.

Not that he has any need to lay claim to his Elmo balloon, Eggo or socks.

(I may be a crummy mother, but it isn't like I am always trying to rob him of the things he loves.)

Despite that, the kid has still managed to learn that he wants everything, and that EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE needs to be clarified as being "MINE".

LOUDLY.

"MINE!!!!"

And if said desired object does not come immediately into his possession after he lays claim to it with this magical "MINE" word, a meltdown should immediately ensue.

Because if the magical "MINE" word doesn't work, then a screamfest should!*

These meltdowns/screamfests are complete with screaming, squeeling, kicking, stomping, and hitting if necessary.

And should the meltdown/screamfest be met with anything other than immediate satisfaction it will be followed by the puffy lip, the tearfilled eyes, and stubborn, angry stance.

But never crying. 

Because my kid has already figured out that crying shows weakness. 

(A lesson his mother could stand to learn...)

Rest assured that all such acts of insolence are being met with lots and lots of eye rolling on the part of Techy and I.

Because eye rolling is clearly an effective form of parenting.

Combined with a regular, healthy dose of discipline. 

Because that's what my mom did. 

She disciplined me.**



And she totally rocks as a mom.

And despite the fact that I stole crayons from Sunday School and dragged my sister down the school hallway by my bookbag, I turned out ok.

And really, that's all I'm going for. 

Keep the kid alive and pray he turns out ok.

Anything more than that will just be bonus.

*Note: They don't.

**For the record, time outs are insufficient for a child such as this, who has learned that he likes to sit in the corner with his arms crossed and pout.  Alot.  It is during times like these that I wonder if he may already be plotting for world domination. 

Especially when a minute into time out, this look crosses his face.




 Post-script: I am a Christian mom (meaning I love Jesus) and
I pray daily that Little Man will come to know and love Jesus too. 
Just in case you want to judge me. 
This post is almost entirely written from a sarcastic point of view. 
Please enjoy it as such.

1 comment:

Ang said...

I thoroughly enjoy your sarcastic posts as those are the ones I relate to the most...especially the "evil" child ones because it means my kids are not alone!

I think our kids might have some telepathic connection and are plotting world domination together...or...wait...I think they are communicating via the giraffes...they must be linked...

For my useless 2 cents worth of parenting advice, ignoring the tantrum worked best for miniG, I'll keep you posted on Chunkamunk though...he's spoiled...ROTTEN