You Know You're A Redneck When...

Another episode of Leah craziness, ya'll.

Ever heard that song, "John Deere Green"?

It's basically about how a teenage boy displays his never-dying affection for his beloved girlfriend by graffiti-ing her name on a water tower.

In "John Deere Green".

As a side note, if you thought that John Deere was spelled John D-E-E-R, like the animal, you would be wrong.  It's D-E-E-R-E, with an E.

And if you are Southern, you are BORN with that knowledge.

Also, your daddy owns at least ONE piece of equipment bearing the legendary green and yellow colors.

And possibly, your name has been spray painted somewhere for all the world to see.

Not that this has ever happened to me.

Or maybe it did.

That's right....

I spent at least a year or 2 of high school dating boys who were more interested in rodeos than college.

More interested in diesel engines than internet.

And who spent every weekend watching football games rather than playing Call of Duty.

Ironic that I ended up with Techy, huh?

I may or may not have been cow-tipping a time or two.

And for the record, it doesn't actually work. 

Cows spook very easily. 

Much too easily to tip.

Imagine my surprise one day when my dad came home from work to tell me he had seen my name spray painted on the inside of the tunnel in the "valley" where the "railroad tracks" went over the road.

Yeah.

Classy, huh?

I realize that I should have been embarrassed.

But like any goody-two shoes, who had never done ANYTHING to deserve her name getting painted anywhere, I was totally proud.

As in, maybe someone would think I was cool because hey, my name made it to the tunnel wall. 

With all the other classy information on the painted there...

Shelana's phone number.

Joe's mom's name.

"Call Joe's Mom for a good time!"

And "Billy Bob loves Joe's Mom".

Real classy stuff.

And my name.

JUST my name.

But it was spelled correctly!

I had officially MADE it.

In redneck world, I was practically legendary.

And I was proud of it.

Until about a year later, when the tunnel was mysteriously painted.

4 coats of sterling white paint.

Apparently, VDOT responds when a police officer calls in a favor.

And that's the sad story of how my brief rise to redneck stardom was cut short by 4 coats of white paint.

Now, aren't you glad you know me?

Because I was almost a redneck legend.

And I know how to spell John D-E-E-R-E!

These things should REALLY count for something!