Friday, February 4, 2011

It's a Wonder I Ever Went Back

I started working in my current job WAAAAAAAAAAAAY back in 2006. 

January of 2006, to be exact.

And I loved it.

And they loved me.

I was a big hit with my southern accent and funny sayings.

But I was also a novice to society as a whole.

Maybe not as a whole. 

But there were alot of things that my life in Virginia did not require of me.

The least of them was knowing what to expect from your first work Christmas party.

In Virginia, our work Christmas parties consisted of someone singing karaoke until midnight and everyone else line dancing until the karaoke stopped.

Very comfortable and fun-loving.

Nothing too "proper" to worry about.

You can imagine my terror at having to attend not 1 but 2 work Christmas parties in one week. 

Neither of which had karaoke.

Bummer for me.

After having endured 5 hours of trying not to be a wall-flower at Techy's Christmas party, I was looking forward to my Christmas party where I actually knew people.

I was also looking forward to showing off my husband to these people I worked with.

When we arrived at the party, we walked into the bar area, where cocktail hour was up and running, and I started introducing poor Techy to everyone.

And then a surge of confidence hit.

I knew these people.

They loved me!

I could do no wrong, as long as I played it smooth.

And then I got brave.

I saw the president of our company across the way, and I dragged my dear sweet husband across the room to meet him.

As we approached, the president was speaking to someone but casually reached out his hand to me in greeting and then leaned forward in what I could only assume was a casual embrace of greeting.

And then it happened, I realized he was going to drop a polite kiss of greeting on my cheek, only I didn't realize until a moment too late.

Because instead of turning my head, as was expected, I was still facing him.

At the last minute, I turned my head, but it was too late.

His lip had caught the corner of my lip.

Oh, the sheer horror.

Because of my confused stupid naive ignorant delayed response, I had practically kissed the president of my company on his mouth!

To make it worse, there was a crowd of people around.

And everyone was watching.

I could have died.

Pretty sure my face was the same color as Elmo's shirt.

Oh wait, Elmo doesn't wear shirts?

Well, you get the idea. 

I was embarrassed.

I turned red.

Note: Why doesn't Elmo wear shirts? 

Is it because of the fur?

And does he wear pants?

How would we know, right?

Apparently, Baby Elmo wears diapers, though...


Anyway, I was embarrassed.

Horrified, even.

Searching for anything to hide behind.

Alas, nothing was found.

So I settled for hiding my face behind my Shirley Temple for the rest of the cocktail hour.

By the time that the dining room was opened up and we all started to take our seats, I was heady with exhiliration.

I had managed to survive the rest of the cocktail hour without making any more faux pas or shoving my shoe into a crack in the floor or knocking anything/one over.

I mean seriously, it couldn't get much worse than kissing your boss....

It's the little things, people.

As we seated ourselves at a table near the door, and the company president got up to make his welcome/responsible drinking speech, I noticed that his whole family was seated at the table nearest the dance floor.  Mother, children, brother, wife, etc.  It was so sweet.

After that, the bar was once again open and people began to move about the room making themselves comfortable, getting drinks, greeting the late arrivals, etc. 

And then I spotted someone that I hadn't had the opportunity to introduce the Tech-meister to, once again dragging him across the room to meet people.

And he followed.

He loves me, people.  That's all there is to say about it.

When we started to go back to our seats, I noticed that a line was forming at the buffet, so we jumped right in.

And happily started piling food on our plates.

That's when I looked up.

Into the eyes of the company president's daughter-in-law, who was standing next to the president's son, who was standing next to the president's wife, who was standing next to the president's mother, who was standing next to the president's brother, and so on...

And that's when I realized.

I had just butted in line with the family.

Apparently, they were calling us up by tables.

And of course, his table was the VIP table.

Called up first.

And I had totally missed the whole calling up thing since I was flitting around the room doing introductions.

It was everything I could do not to tear one of the tablecloths off of the buffet and throw it over my head while making a quick get away hide under a table as quickly as possible.

I barely ate anything that night.

I made Techy leave as soon as I had the chance.

Just remembering the sheer humiliation of that night still does strange things to me.

Makes me wanna cry.

Makes me wanna laugh out loud.

Makes me wanna sing weird songs really loudly to cover my embarrassment. (am I the only one that does this?)

Which I have to say is really fun at 3 o'clock on a quiet Thursday afternoon.

But rest easy friends.

Embarrassment pays off.

Apparently, it did me no harm to kiss the president and cut in line with his family...

By March of the next year, I received notice that I was being promoted.

And from that time on I have been known as Assistant to the President at the little company I work for.

And I CHOOSE to believe the president made his decision based solely upon my ability to type fast.

And with that said, I have to go type a memo...

P.S. I am sharing this post over at Serenity Now's Weekend Bloggy Reading Party....
Weekend Bloggy Reading


kait said...

hahahahahhahahah!!!!! hahahhahah!! oh my gosh, i have a stitch in my side from laughing at this!

you're too funny! (and tonight i will probably start giggling randomly when i think about this post)

Wendy @ Ramblings from the Sunshine State said...

OMG! I probably would have went home! LOL! I am so sorry, but at least you can laugh about it now!

Visiting from Serenity Now!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

You must be a good kisser (and typist), since you got the promotion. ;) Funny story, thanks for the laugh. :) Thanks so much for joining my Weekend Bloggy Reading party. :) Have fun finding some great new reads, and I hope you'll visit Serenity Now again soon! :)

caregivermom said...

Thank you so much for the story. It has made my weekend, actuall it has made my last two years. You have a great way of telling a story that makes people who do similar things feel not alone. I am still laughing. Family thinks I am crazy,old lady laughing out loud every few minutes. :)

Lindsey V said...

"Greet one another with a holy kiss," the Bible says. You jus took them LITERALLY, and got the job! LOL! I love THE WAY, THE HOW that you shared this story!! Lovely!