Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Random Thoughts from a Know-It-All

1. No new parent should try to compare their baby with other babies. It is one thing to try to gauge your expectations by another's experience, but no baby performs the same as others. Babies are totally unique and they will all have different strengths and weaknesses. Can you tell that I am struggling with this one?

2. "Humidifying" moment at work today - one of my girlfriends sent me an email titled "Free Dishwasher". You open it up and it says something about how she got this new dishwasher and her boyfriend is really upset about it, would I be interested in it? Of course, she was kind enough to include a picture of it. When you scroll down to see it, there is a cleverly posed picture of a nearly nude male model in a sink washing himself down. At the exact moment that I scrolled down, I turned around to find my boss standing behind me.

3. Ever watched the tv show, "Ruby"? I learned last week that in Georgia "humidified" means "humiliated". As I am southern and would like to take on as much of that southern charm as possible, I am wondering if I too should be confusing the terms? Oh well...

4. Thinks that milk coming from my boobs is bizarre...anyone with me on this? It's just strange.

5. Wants the world to know that you should be very cautious if you are in love with a middle aged man who is approaching retirement, has sacrificed a good bit of his time and money to unappreciative sources, and feels that he is a failure in some aspect of his life. He is going to crack if he doesn't get help in dealing with it. And you don't want to be around when it happens. He will blame you for everything, even things you had nothing to do with. He can't face the fact that life dealt him a worse card than others. Eventually, he will come back to his senses, but chances are that he will have lost everything by that time.

6. Wonders if penis pumps are as painful as breast pumps??

7. Thinks it's funny that stay at home mom's complain about being so busy. I mean, believe me, I don't envy you, but really? That busy? Imagine having to do everything you do and then having to go to work 8 hours a day. Yeah. Be thankful that you don't have to work, and don't complain to me. I mean that in the sweetest southern way possible.

8. My baby slept through the night last night. I say through the night because he went to bed at 11 and woke up at 5 am. Only a 6 hour stretch, but I will take it. Way to go, Little Man. I take very little credit for it...I read this book in college and have recommended it to everyone I know after my niece started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old. That was 8 years ago, and since then everyone I know who has tried it has had their babies sleeping through the night by 3-4 months at the latest. Meanwhile, my mommy friends who don't do a schedule end up getting up with their babies all the way up to a year.

9. I love Game Show Network. I love to watch Family Feud, Deal or No Deal, Match Game. Pretty sure that I am really an 85 year old woman inside.

10. If anyone watched the Bachelor this season, we learned that Patty Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker knows what she is saying when she says, "The Penis does the Picking" (I watch way too much reality tv)

11. I have now mentioned a penis twice in my mother would die. Hopefully, she doesn't read this post. Hopefully, my pastor doesn't read it! Oh's my random least I am honest. For the record, I did not want to look at the picture of the "Free Dishwasher", it was just there!

12. I have learned that I am very insecure in being a mommy. I realized this last week when, on my son's first day at day care, I was relieved to drop him off because I figured she had way more experience than me. Then I felt guilty for feeling relieved...and the cycle began.

13. My Little Man has his first cold. He has been coughing like crazy for 3 days. It doesn't seem to bother him and he isn't running a fever, and I did consult with a nurse to make sure I didn't need to take him to the doctor. But yesterday when I went to pick him up, my day care lady, who I will blog name, "Baby Lady", told me he sounded like he had the croup. All I could think was what do I do for that?! And that's what I said. She laughed and laughed! See I am incompetent!

14. I am tired of having cleavage. At least this much cleavage. Even Techy is kinda over it. I think he thinks, "What's the use if I can't touch them?" And really...

15. Have I mentioned that I am continuing to pump milk while I am working? I take 2 pumping breaks a day. I have to dress very strategically in order to be able to do this, but today, I wore a dress...not sure what I was thinking. You can't pull a dress down enough to be able to pump. Let me say, it was a feat to get those puppies out today!

16. I have the most easy going husband of all time. He rarely, if ever, gets upset. Because it happens so infrequently, he doesn't really know what to do when it does. Case in point, a few nights ago, it happened. I had asked him to help with the baby and then loudly complained about the way he pushed him right over the edge. He pitched a fit like a little 9 year old. Looking back, it was probably one of the funniest moments in our marriage.

17. If I had to name the most humorous moment in our marriage, I would have to say it was the day that he sneaked back into our apartment to find me in the shower. He made the impromptu (and I might add WRONG decision) to scare me. When he jerked open the shower curtain it scared me so bad that I jumped, lost my footing and flew through the air to land square on my butt in the shower, sobbing my eyes out. He felt wretched, and I had a huge bruise for several days, but oh how funny that must have looked.

18. Then there was that time we were in Florida on our first day there, on the beach, when our wallets were stolen.... Pretty fun times....

I guess 18 random thoughts is enough for today.


slt said...

You had me at Millionare Matchmaker...I am SO with you on WAY too much Reality TV! So fun fun!

Kaci said...

I don't agree with #7 but it's your blog, right? I like to say that home is my REAL job and I goto work for fun. I think being a full time stay at home mom is a lot harder than getting to go to work sometimes.

Sarah said...

I totally agree with #7. Mom's who work full time have 8-10 a day LESS than a SAHM to do all the same things - except we don't get to play on Facebook for three hours, go to aerobics at 10:00 am, go to park after nap for "play dates."
And you'd think that a SAHM would also be the person to always volunteer in the church, but you usually have to beg or draft them! In my experience, the stay at home moms are useless in the church because "they're so busy." While FT mom's end up picking up their slack, still have all the same things to do as they do, and we find ways to do it all with 1 day a week. I totally agree with you Leah. If I hear one more SAHM complain, I'll stand up and say on behalf of working mom's everywhere, "BE THANKFUL and SHUT THE CRAP UP!"