Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Story Of My Life

This is going to be an emotional post.

Because, dude, that's how I roll.

I can't be funny all the time!!!

But, if that's what you are here for, do I have a story for you!


In the emotional roller coaster that is my life.

These last few days, I have been thinking alot about my life.

Our lives.

How we got here.

Where we came from.

And I have been reminded of some really dark times for me.

I've talked a little about it before...

But when we were first married, I was going through some really tough times.

I was homesick.

My only friends worked all the time or were full time college students.

My mother-in-law was very sick and required constant attention.

My mom was going through alot of craziness.

And life was just...

For lack of a better word...


Michael Scott would be dying right now.

But seriously.

I cried alot.

I was very heavy.

And a little lot discontent with my life.

I remember there being days that I would say things like, "Why me?".

And the occasional, "I didn't sign up for this!"

On one particular night, I had had enough.

We were on our way to a concert 2 hours away.

And I picked a fight.

Have you ever done that???

I'm sure you haven't.

You are all saints aren't you?

Well, sometimes, I fall off the pedestal a little.

Don't be so shocked.

I'm still sporting a halo 99.9% of the time.

But this one time, it fell a little bit.

And yes, I picked a knock down, drag out, good-old-fashioned-screaming-match-fight in a car where Techy and I were both trapped for several more hours/minutes.

I went through every range of emotion there was.

Anger.  Why am I going through so much crap?

Discontentment. Why do I have to deal with all this?

Loneliness.  Why am I all alone?

Guilt.  I shouldn't be feeling this way, but....

Homesickness.  At the heart of it all, I just wanted things to go back to the way they were.

And I bottled up all those feelings, and spit them all out in one extremely hurtful statement -


And not just from the concert...

After which, we sat in stony silence for the rest of the trip.

We pulled into the parking lot, and we tried to pull it all together.

Act like we liked each other....

To make matters worse, we were late to the concert.

We were both miserable.

We got out of the car, made our apologies, and put our game faces on.

But as we walked into the outdoor arena where the music was blaring over the loudspeakers, my emotions were ROLLING.

And then I heard it.

I think, we all know that music speaks to me....

And this was no exception.

Because the first words I heard as we walked into that concert were:

"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city"

Not at home.

Not in my comfort zone.

Not where I wanted to be.

But right where I was.

And that was the day that I realized something.

Contentment is not about being where you want to be.

Contentment is about being where you are supposed to be.

That night I made a commitment.

A commitment to love the place where I was at for as long as God had me there.

And for the next 4.5 years, I did just that.

I committed to that place.

Until the day that God moved us.

And some days I still long for that place.

Because after 6.5 years, it was comfortable.

It was home.

It was normal.

And now, some people look at us and think we are the craziest people in the world.

Some people look at what we've been through in the last year and a half and think, why on earth would you ever do that?

Why would you leave everything you have established together and move 800 miles away to something you don't know?

But that night changed alot for me.

It shook me to my core.

Because that night was the night that I learned that joy is tied to contentment.

Not happiness.

For any of you who may be wondering through your own darkness, I feel your pain.

I've been there.

You aren't alone.

And just so you know...greater things have yet to come!

Believe it with me.


Sarah said...

Leah, I love you and I love this post.

I'm just waiting till God makes you content with me!


BumbersBumblings said...

Beautiful, my friend. I'm just annoyed that God waited until the very end of that happy place to bring you into my life! But how crazy that he took you to my home city! Even though I still haven't seen you there, I feel close to you! Okay enough of my snappiness. Love you and proud to have you as a friend.