Friday, January 13, 2012

Dear Non-pregnant Me

Remember a time when you peed every time you sneezed?

Or coughed?

Or breathed?

Remember a time when the term "walking farts" wasn't just a term for something that old people or your dad experienced?

Remember a time when your morning routine involved enough support garments to make someone from cirque du soleil raise their eyebrows?

Remember what its like to hear everyone complain about you lifting things, but no one offer to lift it for you?

Remember what its like to wonder how early Taco Bell opens because that's pretty much all you want to eat. Ever?

Remember what its like to, in the words of Juno, have heartburn radiating in your kneecaps?

Remember the feeling of forgetting what nookie is...because you can no longer feel anything below your collar bone, with the exception of the kneecap heartburn, of course?

Remember what its like to look in the mirror and be shocked at the 3 sizes your belly appears to have grown overnight?

Remember what its like to forget everything? No? That's right...because pregnancy brain never really goes away!

Remember what it's like to try to hold your toddler with another child between you?

Remember what its like to attempt to wax "things" only to realize you can't see them?

Um, yeah.


It's not for everyone.

Just trust me on this one...

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