I can see clearly now the rain is gone

First of all, I want to take a moment to chastise myself for my comments of yesterday about my hubby’s interaction with the baby. I know he works hard all day long and he deserves some down time. Therefore the time of video game play that he gets each evening is only fair and helps him unwind, which in turn allows me to have access to a happy hubby. I am very thankful for him (even if he does spend a lot of time playing video games). Especially since he has been helping more and more with Little Man – for those of you who don’t have children yet, you should know that although breastfeeding is a “wonderful bonding experience”, bottles are totally where it’s at. Bottles enable others to be able to help – i.e., Techy’s taking on more responsibility – as well as allowing you to know exactly how much your little one is eating at each feeding, and it takes so much less time! It’s the bomb! The next time around, I plan to breast feed for that first week or 2 and let my milk supply build up, then we are switching to bottles for all the awake feedings! The only advantage that nursing allows is for those mid-night feedings when you don't have to go anywhere and you don't have to clean anything up.

That being said, I dedicate this post to this guy…the genius who invented the baby swing. In so doing, the man gave me and millions of parents the world over hours of their lives back. The device is magical. When naps are elusive and nothing else can calm the little guy down, the swing is the magical cure!

In addition, I should probably send some hi-fives and fist pumps out to this guy too, since the developments he made helped give me one of these....

When you get in one of those with one of these

You end up with one of these...

And then you become one of these...

As opposed to one of these...

Which is good because no one recognizes me when I turn into the scary purple stress ball....

The Complaints of a Chronic Pouty-Pants

It’s been a while since my last post.

If I have learned nothing else from this new lifestyle of mine, I have learned that there is very little time for “Me Time”. My husband usually manages to find his “Me Time” but what I get is usually about 30 minutes a day and is spent doing something productive, like washing bottles or packing bags for tomorrow or cleaning my house.

Did I mention that I went back to work last week?

Did I also mention that I have always been somewhat of a self-sacrificing person (a.k.a. Martyr to my sister) – it drives my husband and my sister CRAZY – I end up taking on more than I can handle because no one else wants to. Believe me when I say this is not one of my better traits. And becoming a mother has added a whole new dimension to my martyrdom. For example, this is how my “relaxing evenings” went last week…

5:05-5:10 pm – Pick up baby from day care
5:15-5:30 pm – Home. Put baby in swing and pump a bottle’s worth of milk for baby
5:30-6:00 pm – Fix and eat dinner
6:00-7:00 pm – Clean up dinner dishes, make 6 bottles to last the next 24 hours.
7:00-7:35 pm – Feed baby
7:35-7:40 pm – Change his diaper
7:40-8:05 pm – Entertain baby,
8:05-8:10 pm – Put him down for a nap,
8:15-9:00 pm – Pack my lunch, lay out clothes for both myself and the baby to wear tomorrow, load the dishwasher & run it, and pump another bottle of milk

After all that is done, I might have had about an hour to watch tv with my husband before I had to feed the baby again.

In the meantime, my husband’s evening went something like this…

5:00-5:35 pm – Drive home from work – face hectic traffic
5:35-6:00 pm – Take off clothes in middle of kitchen, dance suggestively around wife and hint at what you would like to have happen later in the evening, & eat dinner
6:00-9:00 pm – Play video games

On the upside, at least we have a pattern….

I should say that this routine is only one week old, and in my husband’s defense, he was sick last week and couldn’t help with the baby that much. And in my defense, I thrive on multitasking—I love it! It’s like the achievement of a lifetime to get as much done in the smallest amount of time possible.

Also in my husband’s defense, yesterday afternoon, he took the baby from me and sent me to the mall with my best friend for 2 whole hours!

All that to say, I am exhausted, have very little personal time, and am looking forward to my husband being healthy and able to help more.

BUT don’t think I am not enjoying my new life. My Little Man is the best reason ever for me to be this exhausted, and to be honest, I don’t miss my “Me Time” that much, considering I get to spend a lot of quality time with the little guy. He is 9 weeks old today, and over the last 5 weeks he has really started to come alive. For the sake of those who want to know and my own personal memory’s sake here is a timeline of his activities over the last several weeks.

4 weeks – Little Man started making eye contact, moving his head to follow things he had his little eyes on and grasping onto things. Sleeping in about 4 ½ hr stretches at night.

5 weeks – Baby smiles started showing up, although not in response to anything specific.

6 weeks – Little Man started cooing and smiling in response to us as well as in response to his favorite little toys. Slept his first 6 hour stretch.

7 weeks – The cooing turned into gurgles in response to us talking to him, he started moving his head from side to side to explore the world around him. Sleeping has been varied between 4 and 6 hours.

8 weeks – Smiling has turned into laughing – which sounds more like a high pitched squeal of delight than laughter, but it’s awesome. Techy is a pro at making the little guy smile and laugh, which obviously makes him the best dad in the world. The Little Guy has even more control of head movement, including holding it up for several moments at a time—we put him in a Bumbo chair this week, just so we could see if he would like it, and he successfully held his head up for about a minute. Little Man got his first round of shots this week and weathered them like a champ. Barely cried at all and was so well-behaved after they were over. He also got his first cold this week – either that or he is suffering side effects from the shots – whatever the case he has his first runny nose and cough.

Although I am looking forward to the next stage, I am trying to remind myself that as difficult as these days are, this is the only time that my baby boy will be this size and in this stage, and I need to enjoy every minute of it.

My New Normal

Zerrissenheit - a state of disjointedness; also the state of my life at this point in time.

Our baby is 6 weeks old today.

So much has changed. So much hasn't.

It snowed this weekend. I say snow, but in actuality, it "blizzarded" this weekend. About 16 to 20" inches, depending on where you measure. About half way through the storm, Techy ventured out to start scooping the blizzard off our driveway. I didn't see him again for about 4 hours. He and our neighbor spent the time shoveling one another's porch, side walks, and driveways. Lucky for us, where my husband has technology toys, our neighbor has handy man toys and he has a snow blower. (Unfortunately, the snow was higher than the snow blower so they had to shovel a path for the snow blower to go in...)

Meanwhile, I was inside with a very cranky dog and a nap-hating Little Man.

When Techy finally came inside, I was feeding Little Man, and since he couldn't help with that, he opted to play video games for the rest of the day.

Then yesterday, when I got up at 6:30 to feed Little Man, Techy decided he would get up and play more video games.

And then he needed to go dig a tunnel in the snow for our dog, who, after 2 days inside was beginning to chew his nails and chase his tale for entertainment.

And then he decided to build a fire in his firepit. Because what would be better than having a fire in the snow?

And I was still inside with the baby. When he finally came in, he said, "I wished you would come outside with me..."

Umm?

Ummmmmmm?

Excuse me?

And then he tells me we are going to that the Super Bowl Party we were going to, which was supposed to be just us and our close friends, had grown and he had invited some people as had his buddy.

And I freaked.

Alone all weekend with the baby, barely enough time to bathe, since my baby doesn't sleep more than 45 minutes at a stretch during the day, and now we are going to a party, where I will have to spend at least 2 hours hiding, while I breastfeed our baby or pump after he spent the whole weekend playing?! REALLY??? How is that fair? That's no party! That's more work. And heaven forbid if my baby cries!

In my next life, I am definitely losing the uterus.

With my next baby, I am definitely not breast feeding. The onus will not be on me alone next time....

I realize my husband is working hard every day, and he deserves his down time. I knew when I had the Little Man that I would be the one to sacrifice my down time and my hubby wouldn't. I have worked hard to not complain, but this weekend, I freaked at him.

And he fed Little Man and entertained him so I could take my shower. We cancelled on the Super Bowl party (as did everyone else with the enormous amounts of snow). I am pretty sure that my best friend is still mad at me for flaking out on her party. But we are still adjusting and as yet my new normal does not have normalcy . I keep hoping, but it's nowhere in sight.

Lifestyles of the not so rich and famous

So, last week when I called my mother and said, "Can you come get me this weekend?" I totally thought it was an awesome idea. I mean, it had been 3 and 1/2 weeks since the Little Man's arrival and I was totally psyched that I had kept him alive this long. Figured I deserved a little R&R. And once I go back to work, who knows when the next visit to Virginia will be.


Now I am rethinking things.


I am a walking, talking, living, breathing advertisement for Murphy's Law.


We arrived late Saturday evening with minimal travelling complications. Awaiting us were my mom, my sister and her 2 adorable children. We talked and laughed. I fed the baby. We enjoyed our visit. I noticed that my niece had a bad cough, but my sister reassured me that they had been to the doctor--it was the results of a sinus infection and she had been on antibiotics since last week. So life went on.


Sunday, my sister returned to mom's with her kids in tow. After an hour or so, my sister mentioned that her little one wasn't really eating or drinking. After a few more hours, she was coughing her little head off. I started to get a little nervous, but my sister reassured me yet again that she had been on antibiotics and any infection that she may have had would not have been contagious at that point.


Then, Monday morning happened.... When I opened my bedroom door, I was overwhelmed with the scent of bleach and lysol. On her way out the door, mom told me that my sister had called. They had taken my niece to the ER during the night where they diagnosed her with RSV - an extremely contagious disease that effects mostly babies and children - complicating their breathing. For infants, the disease is very dangerous.

Of course. Of course. Of course.

Techy was in no way happy about this visit to begin with. Now the "I told you so" oozes through the phone everytime we talk.

As difficult as it is to be home alone with a newborn, it is even more difficult to be away from home alone with a new baby. It was one thing when I was coming to spend time with my family. Now, my mom is spending her days at the hospital with my sister and the baby and daddy is at work. Oh, what luck I have.

The Trek

Today is a monumental day.

Less than 28 days after I delivered the Little Man, we made our first journey.

Lessons learned:

-Travelling light is not possible with a baby. I packed like I was moving to a different country.

-Breastfeeding at roadside gas stations is VERY interesting. Thank God for tinted windows!

-When travelling with your historically minded father and you need to stop to breastfeed your newborn, expect to hit up the nearest Civil War battlegrounds and enjoy the AM 610 information station advertising said battlefield.

-It has been approximately 12 hours since I left home and I miss my hubby terribly. Truthfully, Techy was less than enthused about my journey. (For those of you who know how ridiculous he has been, it is probably only because with me and the Little Man in Virginia, he can't control who does or doesn't get sprayed down with Lysol and hand sanitizer before coming within 3 yards of the baby.)

-While I spent the day making a 6 hour drive an 8 hour drive, Techy was sincerely mourning my departure. He spent the afternoon playing video games with his sister's husband. Good to know I am missed.

-If you are planning to go out of town after having been home with your dog every day for several weeks on end, you should not leave his bag of treats where he can reach them. He may spend the day drowning his sorrows by eating the entire bag. Pretty sure that we are going to find out just how sick "sick as a dog" really is.

All in all, we have learned that making sure that family has enough time with baby is very important, even when it isn't easy. Over the last week, we have gotten to spend a good bit of quality time with Techy's sister, who travelled across the country with her 18 month old little girl to meet our little guy. Last night, her husband flew in and we got to introduce our little guy to him this morning. And then we turned around and travelled to Virginia with Pappaw to introduce him to the rest of the family.

With all that excitement on top of feeding every 3 hours, I need a couple weeks to recover and sleep non-stop.

How much longer until I get to sleep through the night again?

Crying without the tears

As I stated previously, of late my life has been a storm of dirty diapers, midnight feedings, minimal naps, and tons and tons of visitors. All well meaning, all full of love, generosity, friendliness, concern and all greatly appreciated. But can I just say...it is so hard to be a new mommy with people constantly on your doorstep.

For those of you who are expecting in the next few months, no one warned me about the onslaught of visitors. Or maybe they did and I didn't understand. For the record, you need to know that after you deliver your precious little bundle of joy, everyone who has been a part of your pregnancy, all the people who care about you and love you will want to be there to love on your new little one. It's so tough. You will want these people to be there and to be involved. I, personally, miss my friends. I want to see them and I want to spend time with them. But lots of people don't understand the concept of timed feedings and schedules. If you are planning to schedule your baby, visitors are a factor to take into account. Let me reiterate - it isn't a bad thing, but it is something you will need to take into account when planning your day to day, hour to hour activities.

Obviously, I am breastfeeding, and that adds a whole different set of complications to the mess. Had I been bottle feeding, visitors would not have been such a complication. I mean, in that case, I could have thrown my baby and the bottle at the visitor and tell them when to burp the little guy. But if you are going to breastfeed or you have breastfed, you probably understand that unless you feel comfortable enough around your visitors to just whip out the "nip" in front of anyone, you will have to try to hide your engorged boob and nipple behind a blanket that is probably far too small to accomplish that task.

(For those of you who think you would not be phased by the sight of me breastfeeding, don't speak so soon. You don't understand the size of these things. All I am going to say is that hiding behind the blanket is as much for your benefit as mine.)

Anyway, the blanket situation only serves to make the Little Man so pissed off that before you know it he is flailing his arms like a bird trying to take flight and jerking his head around in what we have fondly termed "Poltergeist Head". (To help you visualize - the little head bobs in all directions face scrunches up and turns an odd shade of reddish purple, and the little mouth is wide open with the tongue clicking around searching for its intended nutritive source - all the while, Little Man screams profusely, frustrated by the lack of immediate satisfaction)

That being said, I cannot wait for life to calm down a little. I can't wait to have my boobs back to myself. I can't wait to be able to leave a room without checking the baby monitor a thousand times a minute. And I can't wait to see people again.

If you are reading this and have been or want to be a visitor to us, please know that this is not a complaint against your visit. I relish the opportunity to see you again and catch up on life, BUT be aware of my own personal terror at the possibility of you catching a glimpse of my enormous udders. I may not be able to look you in the eye again.

Now allow me some bragging ground.... For all the lack of personal space these days, this Little Man is totally worth it!

Living in the whirlwind

So the new life has begun.

And it's incredible. It completely revolves around the Little Man that I am holding right now. But I don't mind too much. A few things to note:

-I have been peed on more times in the last week than I care to admit.

-I thought bladder control was an issue before....

-I get excited by poop in general.

-Sleep in 1 1/2 hr increments is super fun.

-I thought I was emotional before....

-I have no modesty anymore. I find myself whipping out body parts with no thought or shame.

-I thought my chest was large when I was pregnant! I went from carrying a watermelon around in my belly to carrying 2 of them around on my chest.

And I know I said it before, but I am more in love than I ever imagined. And not just with the Little Man. I am more in love with his Daddy than I ever thought possible. I can't believe how lucky I am to have him. And although he would never use the terminology, he is just as in love with the little guy as I am--possibly more.

With life swirling around us these days, we are super exhausted just learning how to live. Between doctor's visits, family and friends stopping by and feedings, there is little time left to relax. We are merely surviving. But would we ever take it back?

What do you think?

Never.