The Day My Son Became My Brother

It's like a West Virginia riddle.

Only this is much more significant.

Allow me to rant a little bit before we get going, mkay?

You know that saying about how expectations ruin everything?

It's totally true.

In my mind's eye, I always imagined the day my child came to know Christ as significant.

Of me and my husband having a beautiful family Bible open on our laps reading the Scriptures to him.

Of all of us wearing white.

An angellic white light surrounding us...

As we calmly knelt before a good God and listened to our son pray a beautifully poetic Sinner's Prayer.

And let me tell you, that image almost stole me of something precious today.

Because today, this little guy prayed a simple prayer and asked the Savior of the world to save his toddler-sinful soul.

It started around Easter.  This was the first year he really learned about Jesus dying on the cross for him.

This was the first year it hit him.

Jesus DIED.

For our sins.

And then the questions started.

What is a sin?

Who sins?

Did Jesus sin?

And this week, it has finally all come together.

Like an algebraic equation that he finally understood all the parts of.

X(sin) + Y (Jesus) = salvation or in his innocent mind - heaven.

Because that's how simple faith is to a child.

Problem + Fix = PERFECTION.

So today, as all the pieces were finally adding up on our way home from the gym, I was guarded.

This was not how I pictured it.

I was still in my gym clothes.

Techy was at work!

Sunshine Baby was still wildly flinging cracker remains all over everything.

But I could not stop it.

It was there.

Staring me in the face.

He understood everything.

And then he said, "But mommy, I want to go to heaven too."

And it was all I could do to hold the tears back.

I am so unfit, so unworthy, so unprepared for this moment.

I didn't even have my Bible nearby.

But the beauty of salvation is that it doesn't depend on the presence of a Bible.

It doesn't depend on worthy people.

Or perfect mommies.

It rests in Jesus.

So when Little Man, in the middle of his Mac N Cheese, sat his fork down and bowed his head and said the words, "Dear Jesus, Please forgive me for my sins and come in my heart and save me - Amen" I have to believe that that is exactly what happened.

Jesus doesn't call for anything more than a simple childlike faith.  An understanding of our sin and our need of a savior.

And that, that is worth more than anything.

I am sure we have many more questions to answer.

And I am sure that there will be uncertainty and probably a reaffirmation of this many times over.

But today, my heart nearly exploded from the fact that God uses faulty and frail people for such a huge thing.

I'm so thankful.

And in awe.

And that my friends, that is the story of how my son became my brother.

In Christ.

A new creation.

Pray that I can raise him worthy of this calling.

Nostalgia

Remember when we were teenagers and we wanted so badly for things to change while simultaneously wishing they would always stay the same?

Yeah.

I don't think you ever grow out of that.

Sometimes, while remembering, I ache for what never was.

Sometimes, I weep for the things that were.

And sometimes those moments of nostalgia plant a bitter seed.

And today, in a single moment, I was completely overwhelmed by bitterness at the life I don't have.

While knowing in my heart that I have the most amazing life anyone could ever ask for.

But that's how bitterness is, isn't it?

Sometimes it climbs up on your shoulder and whispers in your ear just loud enough to distract you from the beautiful display in front of your eyes.

And somehow, in a single moment of exquisite beauty today, I found something to be bitter about.

Why does everything have to change?

Why will my children never know the life I grew up with?

Why?

Why?

Why?

And then I heard something else.

Because

Because life is grand and glorious and you are on a bigger adventure now.

But why has someone else replaced me?

Why can't you see, Someone Else has replaced THEM?

But why can't I have what I've always dreamed of?

Because, your dreams are small.  Mine are not.  I will give you new dreams.

My ways are not your ways.   My thoughts are not your thoughts.  

Remember?  I promised you a hope and a future....

And just like that, the bitter seed rolled out of my ear, down my shoulder, and into the dirt where it belonged.

Don't let bitterness steal your joy in the moment you have.

Live in today.

Love what you have.

Be thankful for where you're at.

Remember your hope and your future.

He has promised it.

Live like you BELIEVE HIM.

Source

It's Been a Lifetime

Life is screaming by.

I feel like I spend all my time saying, "Things will slow down when..."

The fact of the matter is life is not going to slow down.

And either I'm ok with that, or I'm not.

For now, I'm ok with that.

But to fill you in on some things going on in my life (in no particular order):

1.  We went to Disney.

2.  My kids are old enough to enjoy Disney.  WOAH.

3.  I ran another Half Marathon.  At Disney.

3.  I'm enjoying some new fitness challenges.  At Home.

4.  I lost all my weight.

5.  I've gained some weight.

6.  I'm lifting weights.

7.  I love weights.

8.  I hate weight.

9.  Little Man can write his own name.  Legibly.

10.  Baby Girl has been Instagram dubbed as #sunshinebaby and will thus be known here.

11.  Sunshine baby pottytrained.  Early.  It wasn't fun.  Or brag worthy.  It was messy.  Really messy.  And frustrating.  But it's done and with the exceptions of some post Disney set backs, I think we are finally there.

12.  My parents are building a house.

13.  My parents are living in a camper.

14.  Polar Vortex.  In Georgia.

15.  Vacation.  Vacation.  Vacation.  (We believe you should teach your kids to love to travel.  Which means, we suffer through alot of teachABLE moments while travelling.  That does not mean we always opt to teach in such moments.  Sometimes we just meltdown too.  I choose to believe it will eventually pay off.)

16.  All things Frozen.  And "Let it go".  At the top of your lungs.  And Sunshine Baby singing "Let it go" at the top of her lungs.  At 2 am.  Over the baby monitor.  I wish I appreciated it more.

And LOTS of other stuff.

Basically, life is getting real up in here.

And I'm getting tired of not talking about it.

Hopefully, I'll find the time to start talking about some of it soon.

Later Tater!

My First Breath

This winter has been long.

And stressful.

And exhausting.

Honestly, I feel like I've been holding my breath for months.

But today, we took a quick walk down to the pond.

And despite the cool wind, and my husband trying to hold my 2 year old from fearlessly plunging in, it was completely WONDERFUL.

Something perfect and refreshing and completely calming to my worn soul.

This, my friends, is why we live here.

Because when life is crazy, and my house feels small, and my mind can't take the mundane anymore

I can take 20 steps down my driveway and come face to face with the magnificent.

Today, right now, in this moment, I'm breathing like I've just emerged from icy waters....

And it feels good.

I Have So Much To Say, I'm Just Too Tired To Say It All

Once upon a time,

In a land far, far away,

I was a blogger.

Like an almost legit blogger.

People followed me even.

Sometimes I wrote about things I thought about.

Most of the times, I wrote about things I didn't think about at all.

Or I thought about too much.

Point being, I wrote things.

Now, I don't have time to write things.

But I think about writing things all the time.

Things like how I'm a big fan of vaccines.

And how awesome breast feeding is.

And how I'm a huge fan of the dishwasher until it's time to unload the dishes.

And how I'm totally a liberal conservative.  I love Phil Robertson and gay people.

And how hard folding laundry is with kids around.

And how I totally blame the church for Obamacare.

And how awesome not breast feeding is.

Things like how awesome homeschooling AND traditional schooling are.

Things like how hard it is just to be consistent with kids.

But how awesome kids are in general.

And how bizarre it is that I occasionally find my husband humming the theme song for Sophia the First.

Not to mention, how difficult it is to maintain friendships as an adult.

And how amazing God is.  Like seriously.

And how downs syndrome is one of the most beautiful syndromes.

And how hard race training is.

And how I feel that media and social media build more walls than they tear down.

But mostly how amazing God is.

So basically, I'm very vanilla.

And you just wasted 2.5 minutes of your life.

You're welcome.

Maybe next year, I'll post something even more irrelevant.

Bated breath, right???