Helpful-How-To: How to Determine the Next American Idol

Well...

We could wait until America decides in like 6 weeks....

But since I have very distinct intuitive gifts, I figured I should use them to help you determine who you need to vote for.

Make sure you take notes. 

I don't want you to be confused tonight when it comes time to vote.

Ready?

Pen and paper handy?

Ok.

Go.

6.  Jacob Lusk.

Credit

Man, this kid is adorable.

And emotional.

And very good.

But currently, he is by far the weakest link.

By far.

He is adorable, but he is no Luther Vandross.  Not yet anyway.

But please, it's time....

5.  Haley Reinhart.

Credit

Part of me hates to say put her this low on the list after last week's incredible performance of "Falling in the Deep"....

Seriously.

Where has that been all season?!?!?

My question is, is it too little too late?

And my other question is, can someone make her stop doing that finger pointing thing?

As seen here....(at 1:02 to be exact)

And here....(at 1:06)

And here (1:02)....

I think you get the picture....

Although it does get slightly more annoying....

Like here...where she cleverly disguised finger pointing with hula dancing.

So yes, despite the fact that this girl has prime vocal potential, her stage performance leaves something to be desired.

From me.

All you Haley lovers, don't hate.

I'm sure you enjoy her adorable finger pointing/hula dancing.

I'm just seeing the other side of the coin.

The annoying side. 

4. Scotty McCreery.

Credit

I love this kid.  I really do.

And I know that there is no way that country music will let him get away.

But this singing out of the side of your mouth thing just isn't for me.

Although, seriously.

What a cutie.

3.  James Durbin.

Credit

Hey kid,

You're good.

Real good.

But the Adam Lambert thing has been done.

Like last year.

It's too fresh in our minds to make you unique.

But man, are you good.

You really could win.

Although, probably not.

Because the best performers never win, do they???

2.  Casey Abrams.

Credit

Wanna know a funny little secret?

Techy has a man crush on Casey.

If Techy could sing, it would be music that Casey sings.

If Techy could grow a beard it would be just like Casey's.

If Techy could play an upright bass, he would play one just like Casey's.]

Who knew, right?

I know.  I know.

But doesn't it make perfect sense now that you think about it?

Techy loving Casey?

If Techy still had a Trapper Keeper, this would be on the front of it....

And I have to admit, the dude is amazing. 

It takes a special kind of talent to do Nat King Cole and Maroon Five back to back.

Definitely impressive.

But despite his amazing skillz, the kid is still not my number one.

And clearly, he shouldn't be yours either.

You are taking notes, right?

Because this leads me to my number one pick.

And I need you to know how to vote appropriately for the next few weeks....

1. Lauren Alaina.

Credit

Oh.my.gosh.

Can we talk about how much she looks like Candace Cameron?

Credit

Which is probably why I like her so much.

It's a weekly reminder of my childhood bff-who-didn't-know-she-was-my-bff, DJ Tanner....

(Can anyone tell me why she and Steve broke it off?  I mean, clearly they were meant to be together.  Part of me is still a little torn up inside about that.  Especially since he went on to land that amazing gig with Aladdin, and all she got was marriage to a lame Hockey player....  Oh well.  Such is life.)

And the girl can flat sing!

Or maybe I should say, "Sang" in true southern terminology.

She does have the slightest little accent....

That kinda makes me feel better about my own, ever-diminishing accent.

And seriously, watch out Carrie Underwood...cause someone is about to steal your thunder!!!!

(Have I ever mentioned how much I love Carrie Underwood?

And how in another life, we are gonna be besties?

No?  Huh.  I can't imagine why....  That should definitely be one whole post in and of itself.)

But back to Lauren. 

In another life, she and I are gonna be good friends just so she can follow me around and pretend to be my radio.

And if that isn't glamorous enough for her, then I don't know what is.

That being said, I hope you know hwo to vote over the next few weeks.

And please don't let me down tonight.

Ok?

Post-script: this should really be a "My Honest Opinion" post, but really, I got nothing.  And you probably needed some clarification for who we need to see in the finale anyway....