Friday, May 3, 2013

Out Of Words

Sometimes, despite my best intentions, life doesn't go the way I plan at all.

Sometimes, I let everything around me get me down.

Sometimes, I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

And the people I do talk to take it all so PERSONALLY.


I have so many things to say.

But I've stopped talking.

Mostly because I don't have the words to say it without hurting or offending people.

So I've been keeping alot inside.

Like my discouragement at not being able to lose that last 5 lbs.

Like my disgust at how little social time I have.

Like my frustration at feeling unappreciated and alone.

Like my sadness at realizing how busy everyone is.

And my frustration for how hard it is to maintain friendships.

Not to mention my self loathing for my own self-pity.

I keep thinking, I can't write this stuff - no one wants to read this stuff!

People want to read about happy times.

People want to read things that make them smile.

And laugh.

And yet, if I keep it in much longer, I may lose my mind.

So, my apologies.

For the record, I have had some really great days since my last post.

Last week was actually really great once I realized that I could go outside during naptime and sit in the sun for a an hour or two all by myself.

But this week, it has rained every single day.

{I think I have seasonal depression a vitamin D deficiency.}

But seriously.

To make things even worse, social media is totally ruining my life.

I mean, seriously.

It's all "vote for Gay marriage"  or "God hates the gays"

And "don't you want to order bags/jewelry/candles/beauty products from my stay-at-home-mom friend?  You'll regret it if you don't...."

And 2 million pastel pictures depicting people in turn of the century attire with condescending comments.

Seriously, people, other than my occasional Wal-Mart run, this is my only connection with the outside world.

And it SUCKS.


Politics and Home Merchandising?

Is it any wonder I'm feeling a little...bereft?

So today, in between reading about your happy lives, I'll be trying to find a way to make my mundane magical.

Because that's what mommy's do.

And that's all I have time for these days.